Pondering....

My portion of my mission papers is done! I sent in the recommendation today to my bishop and all he's waiting for is for my dental evaluation to come in the mail and then I'll finally get to do my two interviews with the bishop and stake president and finally get my call! I can't wait--it's been very difficult to hide such a huge secret such as this from everyone, but I'm glad I did. I can't wait to see everyone's faces when I tell them that I'm going on a mission AND that I already have my call and know when I'm leaving. I changed my availability date from August 26th to September 9th because my parents desperately wanted me here for Labor Day weekend--it's their 29th wedding anniversary that weekend and they want their whole family to go up to the Storytelling Festival with them. However, I will now be changing my availability date once again to September 16th because my sister called me when she found out I was leaving 3 days before her 18th birthday and begged me to be around for that. It appears Satan is trying to get me to stay around and is using my family to do it ;) I'm sure there is a reason things worked out the way they did and I do have to leave later than I want--if I could have it my way I would have left in May. But that plan went out the door when I realized I would need to take a class during the summer so I could have my Associates finished before I left. So I was going to leave right after August 10th but then my parents are doing our annual family vacation right after that...and then it was the Storytelling Festival, and now Kim's birthday....will I never leave? Perhaps the Lord is giving me yet another lesson in patience...He must know that is one of my biggest challenges.

On a different train of thought, today we had a lesson on facing adversity and afflictions. The second counselor in the Bishopric called on me and asked me to explain how I have overcome or worked through an adversity in my life. This caused me to do some serious pondering about my accident and the many things I learned from the experience and how it was a testimony strengthener to me.

1. My testimony of Heavenly Father's Plan: I know the hand dolly was intended to hit me. I don't believe that it was by sheer accident that I walked by the truck the exact moment it fell--the timing was far too perfect. Heavenly Father knew that at that time in my life I needed a gentle reminder (ok, perhaps gentle isn't the best way to describe it-more like a smack on the head) to not take things for granted. I had gotten far too comfortable with just sliding by in the life, especially in matters of the church and the gospel. I was getting by with minimum effort on my part. The accident taught me to not become too comfortable and to not think that I'll just change those habits tomorrow because you never know when you will run out of tomorrows. I know Heavenly Father is aware of each and every one of us and knows what we need. His methods may seem odd to us (I believe having a hand dolly hit me shows that Heavenly Father has a sense of humor) but in His infinite wisdom he knows what He is doing and what is best for us. He knew that I needed that rude awakening.

2. My testimony of Priesthood Blessings: After my accident I was given a blessing that night. After the blessing the pain did not subside and began to doubt whether or not the blessing had even worked. This lapse of faith was brief, however, because I then began to ponder what had been said in the blessing. I had not been promised that I would feel no pain or that I would heal quickly. I had, however been blessed with comfort and been told that I would get better. I had first taken "comfort" to mean the pain would be gone. However, I received understanding later that "comfort" meant something else. I was comforted with knowledge; knowledge that the accident wasn't really an accident, but that it was intended for me. Immediately I stopped feeling sorry for myself and being angry that it had been me that was hit, and instead began to ponder why it had been me and what I needed to learn from this. Heavenly Father knew what I needed at that time--had He just made the pain go away I would have still continued to throw my pity party and would have made myself miserable. Instead he gave me the enlightenment that I needed, thus allowing me to have a more positive perspective on the accident, which has helped me immensely as I continue to suffer from this trial. And I still believe that what the blessing said is true--I WILL get better. I just need to keep in mind that things don't always happen in the timeframe I want them to and everything is done in the Lord's own time.

3. My love of my Savior: With the fact that there is really nothing that can be done to alleviate the pain in my neck, except being patient and waiting for it to heal slowly with time, I have come to rely heavily on my Savior. I am reminded of the poem "Footprints in the Sand". At this point of my life there is only one set of footprints-my Saviors as he carries me through this. I can't imagine how hard this trial would have been without His love, comfort, and friendship. He is the only one who has always been there for me. I love Him to no end and am honored to call Him my friend.

I am thankful for my accident--grateful the Lord's plan allowed me to live and learn from the experience.