Stronger than ever

I have been waiting for months for this month to arrive, and now that it has finally arrived it seems to be disappearing far too quickly. I leave for my mission in 24 days. I am excited to serve the Lord through missionary work, but I'll admit my nerves are setting in as I begin to make last preparations to leave. It's so surreal seeing my luggage sitting in the corner of my room, knowing that I will be packing soon to leave for 18 months to go to a country who's culture, customs, and language are far different than anything I've already experienced. I'm scared and nervous, worried that I will not adequately represent this amazing church. I pray every day for comfort and guidance to better help me prepare to become a missionary. I know the Lord will be with me always, as will the spirit be my constant companion.

I've had a very interesting week at work. On Tuesday my coworker handed me a book and stated the author of the book (a friend of hers) heard I was going on a mission and told her to have me read his book. Immediately I was worried because my coworker is not LDS, and in fact she is made it quite well-known she is very much against the LDS faith, for reasons I know not. However, I took the book and said I'd try it because it claimed on the cover it was not anti-LDS literature, nor did I think my friend Brandie would give me something that outwardly offended my faith knowing I am preparing to serve a mission. I wish I had been right. The book is titled "I was a Born-Again Mormon", and the author, Shawn McCraney, attacks the LDS faith. He is cunning and does not do it in such a way as most anti-LDS do, but his statements that he represented as facts about the LDS were despicable and made my stomach churn. He downgraded our view on Christ, stating that the LDS didn't feel Christ made the ultimate sacrifice or that we really need the atonement. He said that the LDS put on a facade and just appear to be perfect on the outside. I could go on but I don't feel it's necessary to know the details of what he said, except for the fact he was so very wrong about the church. I read about 100 pages of the book before I couldn't take it anymore and so during my lunch break I went home and grabbed "Jesus the Christ". I started reading that and couldn't put it down. I have tried before to read this book and always had a difficult time getting through it but this time I was breezing through it and understanding exactly what Talmage was stating. What was a further testimony builder to me that God knew I needed the spirit more than ever at that moment was that within the first 20 pages of the book Talmage explained in perfect detail and exactness our view of the Savior. It is just what I needed to hear.

After I got home from work I made the decision to give Brandie back her book and quickly explain to her that McCraney has completely misunderstood the LDS doctrine and that I couldn't even recognize my religion from what he was saying. Unfortunately the next time I worked with Brandie she threw another curveball at me. She sent me an email:

Hello! I just had to tell you the funniest thing that happened the night before last. Shawn McCraney emailed me and asked if I got his book back. I emailed him back and said what are you talking about. He said that a lot of people will give the book back to the person that gave it to them and cry heresy before they even read the whole book. I said no I didn't get the book back yet and that you were reading it. I told him you weren't like everyone else, you have a mind of your own and can come up with an opinion on your own about the book. He wrote me back and said, that he would bet me that I would get it back by the first of next week unread entirely. I said I will take that bet, what are we betting. He said if I win and you read the whole book, then 25.00 will be donated to your mission. If he wins, I have to donate 25.00 to his ministry.

I told him, you have no idea what you are asking. Harmony is extremely intelligent. And will totally win this challenge. He said yeah I've heard that before.

He said I have to have proof so there are questions I guess that need answers in the book? He said three questions from the book have to be answered in short paragraphs for me to be able to prove you read it.

So what do you think? Now I totally have to read it myself. Is there anything you want me to ask him that you have read so far? I know you love a debate, and I totally know he loves a debate. He would totally answer any questions you had.

I don't know if you are up for the challenge or not.

This email disgusted me because it is so manipulative. I am not sure if she wrote it or if he wrote it and her pass it off as her writing, but either way I was not happy. Here I was going to return the book to her that day and she has now tried playing to my intelligence and love of a good debate. Unfortunately for her because I am intelligent I can see what she is trying to do and I refuse to debate religion because it leads to nowhere and I love my faith too much to have this man try to drag it through the mud in an attempt to shake my testimony.

If this was anyone but my coworker I would tell her exactly what I think with no worries as to offending her, however since she is a coworker it becomes a very delicate situation because I still need to work with her. I hold no feelings of anger towards her, I'm more upset that she could be this disrespectful to my religion, a religion that I am willingly giving everything up to go serve and spread in another part of the world. Why would she try shaking my faith at a time like this? Why try to distract me from the sacred work I'm about to do? I've never once told her I've doubted my faith or testimony and yet through her emails it sounds like that's what she thinks is happening.

I am grateful for this situation overall though, because although she is being manipulative and disrespectful I know that this is not the last person I will come across that will slander my religion to my face. A few years ago this book could have been a testimony shaker; however my testimony has never been as firm or as strong as it is now. Nothing she or this author could say could make me waiver in my beliefs. All it does is make me stronger and more determined to find those that are truly searching for the truth.

I guess Brandie will be out $25 :)

Over a Month later...

So I haven't been doing very well on updating this and a lot has definitely happened.

Let me first start by saying I love my life. No matter how sad or depressed or down I get about things, in the end I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's. I know that sometimes the grass does look greener on the other side but the truth is no one's life is perfect and we all have our struggles and challenges that we all must face. A good friend once told me that if everyone threw their challenges into a big pool and were told they could pick out what challenges they wanted to face, in the end we'd all end up grabbing our own back after realizing what other people are having to suffer with silently. I really believe that to be true. Yes, my struggles are really hard at times, but I know there are people out there that have it a lot harder than I do.

Summer semester ending earlier this month! I am so happy to finally have my Associates in Business after getting over 100 credit hours (sad, I know, but it took me awhile to decide my major). I am sad that my GPA didn't get where I needed it to be. I got an A in the class but it wasn't enough to pull my 3.89 GPA any higher--I had hoped to graduate with a 3.9. I have made it a goal to have a 3.9 when I graduate with my Bachelors.

My family took a trip to Oregon and Washington. It was amazing and a much needed vacation! We rented wave-runners and went out on Loon Lake in Oregon. It was a blast! We rented 2 and we all switched off driving it. I found it more fun to be on the back though because my brothers are seriously insane on them and I loved the thrill of trying to hold on. It was a ton of fun but I unfortunately wasn't able to handle it for very long and had to sit on the sidelines--I am very tired of not being able to have fun and do things because of my neck. Lately it seems that everything I do hurts my neck. I try not to get too discouraged--I know I need to have faith that the blessing I received the night of my accident will be fulfilled and I will be healed. We stayed that night in a hotel close to the lake and the next day made a 5 hour trip up the Oregon coast to our awesome condo--nice and spacious for the 8 of us (the whole family came except Chris of course). On the way up the coast we stopped and saw the Heceta Head Lighthouse--the lighthouses in Maine are nicer looking but the scenery around this one was breathtaking--such vivid colors! There were sea lions swimming around and laying on the rocks below--such odd looking creatures.

The next day we went to Cannon Beach--less than a minute away from our condo. Unfortunately it was overcast and raining so we didn't get in the water but my brothers and dad threw a baseball around while Kim, Nikki, and I built a "sandcastle"-more like a mound of dirt with a stick in it but considering our lack of resources it wasn't too shabby :). We then headed to an outdoor mall and spent a few hours there.

The next day it was on to Seaside. We went another outdoor mall--they seem to be popular in Oregon--that was close to the ocean. We goofed around in a hat shop and took tons of pictures--my family is easily amused sometimes ha ha. We then spent most of the day weaving in and out of shops. I really enjoyed spending time with my brothers because I hardly get to see either of them anymore, plus I love Aaron's wife Nikki--we're very close (It helps that I'm only 8 months older than her). It was raining that day too so we went back to our condo relatively early and had a barbeque and played games.

And then it was on to Washington! We packed up the car and made yet another long car ride up to Seatac, Washington. We unpacked and went and got dinner at Jack-in-the-Box and I was reminded why I don't eat fast food very often. To please Kim we then went to a huge mall that was nearby. We then spent the next few hours shopping--my sister is most definitely a shop-a-holic.

The next day was one of my favorite days--we were able to go meet my great aunt Marvel, who I have never met before and my dad hasn't seen since he was about 10. Marvel is my late grandma's sister who has lived in Seattle since my dad was little. My grandparent's and dad used to make the trip up to Seattle to see her a lot when my dad was growing up, but after my grandparent's accident my grandma didn't feel up to being the one to drive to Seattle so her and her sister never got to see each other anymore but would still talk on the phone all the time. We didn't tell my aunt we were coming and just surprised her. Her reaction was amazing when my dad announced at the door that he was Virgina's son. It was beyond amazing being able to sit and talk with her. She is almost 92 and her memory is amazingly sharp and she was able to tell us stories about my grandma. One of the reasons I enjoyed the afternoon so much is my great aunt Marvel is so much like how my grandma was before she passed away (that is before she became very sick and was not a pleasant person). It brought up so many memories for me (my grandma passed away when I was 11 so my memories of her had become blurry) and reminded me of how my grandma was before she got very sick--her and her sister have the exact same sense of humor. It was almost like being with my grandma and it was the highlight of my trip.

That night we went to a Seattle Mariners and New York Yankees game at Safeco Stadium. I cannot tell you how much I love watching MLB live! This one was great and suspenseful--the two teams were tied til about the bottom of the 7th inning. The Yankees ended up winning 4 to 2. I was excited to see Ken Griffey Jr. play but sad he didn't get any homeruns. During the 7th inning stretch a fan ran out onto the field and was chased down by security--I guess she wanted her 10 seconds of fame at the cost of at least $1000.

The next day we drove into Seattle and went to the Fish Market--Pike's Place I believe it's called. I can't stand the taste or smell of fish but it was fun watching the guys throw the fish around, plus I need to get used to it because I'm sure I'll be eating a lot of fish in New Caledonia. While driving around Seattle my lawyer called me and told me Coca Cola had made an offer for my settlement. After a few phone calls and more negotiating we finally settled on an amount (when I got home I signed the paperwork and sent it to my lawyer and should have the money soon and then this whole thing will be over with!)

The rest of my trip I don't remember as well--I should have blogged about it sooner. We did some more shopping and tried to go see Mt St Helens but didn't realize that the actual site is about an hour and a half away from the Visitors' Center and we didn't have the time to go further because we had to start heading home. RR (my car) has another 2500 miles on him thanks to the trip but luckily had low miles to begin with and having Pierce (my GPS) was amazing--we never got lost.

I love family vacations and it was hard to come back to the real world but now I can look forward to my next big trip! Bring on Fiji!

Change of Mood

So it finally happened--my good mood and happiness came crashing down suddenly and very unexpectedly.

Tuesday night I fell into bed around 11:30, thinking I would be asleep shortly thereafter. I was so very wrong. Midnight past....then 2:00 a.m.......then 4 a.m......then 5 a.m.....sleep would not come. Insomnia in and of itself is bad enough, but unfortunately I wasn't just suffering from the inability to fall asleep. My depression had come back, and was hitting me hard. Every sad/heartbreaking/unhappy moment in my life suddenly was playing in my mind--no matter what I tried to do I could not find peace or happiness. Happy thoughts were quickly erased from my mind and I was consumed with sadness and had never felt so completely alone. I don't remember the last time I cried that hard. My mission call, something that has brought me so much joy and happiness, suddenly made me scared. I began to think that if I went on a mission, I was doomed to be single forever. This thought has never crossed my mind before and I've never been one to worry too much over getting married, but I was completely convinced that night that I was never going to get married if I did leave on my mission. I was overwhelmed with loneliness and wondered how God could do that to me. I cannot explain the depths of my depression but it entirely consumed me.

The next day the depression continued, but now that I was awake it dawned on me what had happened. Satan has finally started his work in trying to prevent me from serving my mission. He used his cunning tactics to do everything in his power to make sure I do not go. He had me believing lies, and made me feel like no one loved me or cared about me. He knew my weaknesses and used them to his advantage. Knowing that Satan was behind those thoughts I had has comforted me and helped my depression, but unfortunately that night still has had an impact on me and I have not completely been able to shake the sadness away. That night did strengthen my testimony though--Satan knows how important this mission is and what an impact it will have in my life, and in the lives of others. Knowing that he is trying everything in is power to stop the work from progressing has just motivated me more to serve my mission.

Count Your Many Blessings

As I was contemplating my mission call and what I have to look forward to as I prepare to serve a mission I began to realize how truly blessed I am. I know I say it a lot, but I don't think I've ever realized the full extent of how blessed I am.

I have been blessed with an amazing family. Each and every single person in my family has taught me so much and made me the person I am today. My dad has taught me to never compromise who I am; My mom had taught me through example how to serve with all your heart; Danny has taught me to live life to the fullest and even though it may not always seem easy or convenient, to put the Lord above all else; Aaron has taught me that people are more important than things; Chris has taught me to not worry about the little things and enjoy life; and Kim has taught me how to completely give of yourself. I love my family and hope and pray that we will be an eternal family.

I have been blessed with great friends; friends who have also been very supportive of me and have been great examples to me throughout my life.

I have been blessed with an amazing job and coworkers that have helped me grow and mature. This job has taught me responsibility, hard work, and also how to have fun.

I have been blessed to be an American--to be able to enjoy the freedoms and blessings that come with it. I am eternally grateful for those men and women who gave up everything so that I can enjoy these freedoms and I do not take them for granted.

I have been blessed to get an education. Even though I will be taking 18 months off of school I look forward to coming back and working on my Bachelors and then Masters. I love learning and growing and bettering myself.

I have been blessed to have been born into the gospel; to always have the light of the gospel in my life. I will admit that I, like many at one point or another in their lives, have doubted if it was true. I am here to say IT IS TRUE! Without a doubt in my mind I know I belong to the only true church and I am eternally grateful for that knowledge and for the blessings that are associated with it.

I have been blessed with life! I know that seems like an obvious one, but I truly don't take being able to live each day for granted. I see each day as a blessing, a gift from my Heavenly Father.

I have been blessed with good health. Although my neck pain is constant and is taking a long time to heal, I am grateful that it wasn't much worse. I heard so many horror stories after my accident about people who had memory loss after getting hit on the head. I have been blessed that my mind and memory are still as sharp as they ever were (except for my occasional senior moments ha ha)

I have been blessed with my accident. Blessed that I was able to live. Blessed that I was able to learn and grow from it. Blessed with money that will help me do the things I want to do in my life--such as help finance my mission and help my family out.

I have been blessed with the ability to serve a mission. I am eternally grateful that the Lord has found me worthy and capable to help spread the truth in Fiji. It is so humbling and amazing to realize how personal this mission call is. The Lord, in his infinite wisdom and plan, has called me to serve in Fiji because that is where I am supposed to be. I pray for his help and guidance as I now prepare for this calling. I feel so inadequate and I pray that I will always have the Spirit with me because I will not be an effective missionary without that constant companion.

I love my life!

Called To Serve

I, Sister Harmony April Hurst, have been called to serve in the Fiji Suva Mission!!!!!!!!!!!! I will be preaching the gospel in French!! I don't think it's hit me yet because I am just in a daze right now....Fiji! I am going to Fiji! Such a random place...I never would have guessed it. I am beyond thrilled that I get to learn French. I took French for 3 years in junior high and then stopped taking classes and always regretted I didn't keep with it. So many people guessed that I would get a French mission, but no one was prepared for Fiji--the Lord definitely threw a curveball there!

I have to report to the MTC on October 28th which is depressing to me because I want to get out there but it will give me time to get things together and ready to go. Fiji! I just keep saying it over and over again in my mind but I'm still completely in shock.

This call was meant for me--I love how personal the whole process is. I am meant to serve the people in Fiji. I know this call was inspired by the Lord and I am so excited to get out into the field and serve! In Fiji!!!!

Almost there!

I GET MY CALL TOMORROW! TOMORROW! TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow I will find out where I am going to go serve for the next 18 months! I can't think about anything else right now--at work I keep thinking about it, causing me to just stare off into space with a blank look on my face--my manager is growing concerned ha ha. It's so hard to focus on work today, and unfortunately after I get back from lunch break I'll still have 4 hours to go...not to mention I have work and school that i have to suffer through tomorrow...plus we're all meeting at my brother's house in Stansbury so earliest I'll be opening my call is 8 o'clock tomorrow night...I can do this...I hope. Now that I think about it, 8:00 tomorrow seems like an eternity away.

And no negative thoughts--my call WILL be here tomorrow!

Good news!

Great turn of events--turns out my brother Aaron can get together Wednesday night so we are all meeting at his house that night to open my call!! I'll know in 3 days where I am going!-granted of course that my call doesn't get lost in the mail or something...knock on wood!

I went to my grandparents' house tonight for a Father's Day barbeque and I made the decision to tell my extended family that I'll be receiving my mission call on Wednesday. Their faces were priceless-complete and utter shock! They had no clue I was even considering it. It was awesome! My uncle thought my big announcement was that I was engaged--he has never been a very bright guy, seeing as I haven't brought a guy around for awhile and I don't have a ring on my finger. It's great to finally have my secret almost out in the open--it will officially be out on Thursday--I can't post it on Facebook until then because I need to tell my manager at work first and he happens to be on Facebook. It will be such a relief to not have to hide it anymore.

In the spirit of Fathers' Day I just wanted to say how much I love my dad! He and I are very close--I am the complete epitome of a daddy's girl. My dad has always been the first person I turn to for everything and has always been there for me for anything and everything I need. I consider him a best friend. He's always been there to dry my tears or, if needed, to make me laugh until I can't even remember why I was sad. He's taught me to be the person I am today. He's taught me to not let others control my emotions, to stand up for what I believe in, and no matter what, to never stop laughing. He's been an amazing example to me and I feel truly blessed and honored that he is my dad.

Can't sleep

For some odd reason I woke up at 7 and can't go back to sleep...so much for sleeping in on my day off. I went to bed early hoping to try and sleep off my long week of school, work, and no sleep and yet I tossed and turned all night. I have so much on my mind right now.

My bishop informed me yesterday that my call has been issued. I'll receive it Wednesday, however I don't get to open it until Sunday because my older brothers want to be there when I open it.

I'm worried about my sister. I'm scared to leave her for a 18 months. We are extremely close and I'll miss her immensely, but that's not why I'm scared to leave her. I am worried about the path that she is headed down right now. Just like my older brothers when they were younger, Kim has gotten into a group of friends that have changed her. She wants nothing to do with our family and treats us all, even me at times, like scum. I never see my sister and despite my constant reminders to her that I won't be around for much longer, she still refuses to make any time for me.

She keeps throwing out the "when I'm 18" card on my parents when they insist she does things. As soon as she is 18 she is ready to throw out all the values that have been instilled her since she was little, telling me they were never her values. I am worried that she'll do what my brother Aaron did and decide to stop going to church and, just like Aaron, never come back. I think like Aaron she knows it's true, but is just too lazy to do the things she knows she needs to do. I don't think she realizes where the path she is going down leads to, that it is a lot easier to leave the church then it is to come back. My brother Aaron will attest to this. As soon as my parents stopped forcing Aaron to go to church he never went. When Danny got back from his mission Aaron started to talk about coming back. He said he would not settle for anything less than a temple marriage. Unfortunately, it was easier said than done for Aaron. About a year later Aaron got married to an awesome girl, however it was not in the temple and it wasn't to a member of the church. His wife Nikki has expressed desire to learn about the church but her own husband isn't willing to go to church with her, thus not allowing her to progress in the gospel. Aaron has become too comfortable with being lazy and the philosophy that he'll come back...tomorrow. Of course, as most procrastinators know, soon the tomorrows pile up and you run out of them and all you are left with is regrets. I don't want Kim to go through what Aaron has gone through.

I am worried to leave her because we are so close, she considers me her best friend, and I fear I am the only good example in her life right now. I've tried multiple times to explain to her how worried I am about her, but as soon as the church is mentioned, she turns a deaf ear to me. I don't think she realizes how much she means to me--how much I've prayed for her, how much I've cried over her. I feel helpless and almost like I am abandoning my sister when she needs me the most. She does not want me to go. I need to put my trust in the Lord and remember that I received a definite answer--I know where the Lord needs me to be--where I desperately want to be. I need to have faith that everything else will fall into place and is all part of the Lord's plan.

One of those days

Today was just one of those days that I wish I never had to roll out of bed. Overall, my day really didn't appear to be that bad--I spent the majority of it at work, which I love, with some of my favorite coworkers. But I had my mind on a couple of depressing things the whole day, thus keeping the rain cloud over my head on a rather sunny day. I found out Thursday night that my papers didn't go in as planned, due to the fact that for some reason my pulse was reading high the day I went in to have it done. I had to go today and have my pulse reread. No big deal, right? Well it was to me because I had my heart set on getting my call on Wednesday-I now have to wait for 2 weeks to get it now. I'm tired of things not working out...my sister says it's a sign that I'm not suppose to go. I think she is just saying that because she doesn't want me to go ha ha. But I am the type that believes there is a reason for everything so I am wondering why so many things are going wrong and why there has been so many delays in getting my call. I may not know now, or even in the near future, but I'm sure someday it will become clear to me why I had to endure yet another lesson in patience.

Today I also spoke to my attorney regarding my settlement with Coca Cola. I'm so tired of the whole legal process--I wish my job could be just to get better but that hasn't been the case. I've done so much running and calling around trying to get things figured out for my attorney. My attorney has once again giving me a list of things I need to do today. As if my life wasn't stressful and overscheduled enough! No wonder my pulse was running high when I went to the doctors--I'm always stressed! There are some days that I wish I wasn't so dedicated or responsible and could just quit my job and school and just relax for once...but then I remember how I'm the type of person that may complain about being busy, but secretly know that I would go crazy if I had too much free time.

I'm tired of the whole mess of a situation with Coca Cola. I can't wait to settle--and honestly not because of the money. I want that chapter of my life closed. Granted, the pain isn't going to go away once the papers are signed and I'm given the money, but it will be a huge weight off my shoulders that this part of the ordeal will be done and I don't need to deal with the crooks at Coke anymore. I'm tired of calls from my attorney or doctors regarding payments or the accident. I'm tired of explaining in detail to every bloody doctor what the pain in my neck is like. I'm tired of explaining my accident. Tired of people asking if I'm going to sue Coke to death. I want it over with! I want and need closure on this.

Any day now

I completed the last step in the process of submitting my mission papers--I had my interview with the stake president tonight. I love President Wright and the interview went great and he showed me some great scriptures that really got me excited to get out and serve. He did tell me one thing that he said I should file in the back of my mind--he told me that from now and until the time I am supposed to leave if I find "the one", meaning my future husband, that I should make the choice to stay because marriage is a higher calling. For me personally, I don't like the thought of this. I am not leaving on a mission because I can't get married. I am leaving on a mission because I know that is what I need to do. Nothing is going to stand in the way of me serving my mission. I think to take an extra precaution though I am going to avoid dating anyone before I leave, just in case ;) I'm not ready to find "the one" for another 4 years or so anyways.

So tomorrow I just have to go back to my doctor's office and have them answer three silly little questions they failed to mark and then I can let Pres. Wright know and he will submit my papers tomorrow, which means I could have my call as early as next wednesday! I can't believe it...I started this whole process in April and now here I am, actually waiting for my call. I'm nervous/anxious/scared/excited....and so many other emotions that I can't begin to describe. I'm serving a mission! This is really happening!

Pondering....

My portion of my mission papers is done! I sent in the recommendation today to my bishop and all he's waiting for is for my dental evaluation to come in the mail and then I'll finally get to do my two interviews with the bishop and stake president and finally get my call! I can't wait--it's been very difficult to hide such a huge secret such as this from everyone, but I'm glad I did. I can't wait to see everyone's faces when I tell them that I'm going on a mission AND that I already have my call and know when I'm leaving. I changed my availability date from August 26th to September 9th because my parents desperately wanted me here for Labor Day weekend--it's their 29th wedding anniversary that weekend and they want their whole family to go up to the Storytelling Festival with them. However, I will now be changing my availability date once again to September 16th because my sister called me when she found out I was leaving 3 days before her 18th birthday and begged me to be around for that. It appears Satan is trying to get me to stay around and is using my family to do it ;) I'm sure there is a reason things worked out the way they did and I do have to leave later than I want--if I could have it my way I would have left in May. But that plan went out the door when I realized I would need to take a class during the summer so I could have my Associates finished before I left. So I was going to leave right after August 10th but then my parents are doing our annual family vacation right after that...and then it was the Storytelling Festival, and now Kim's birthday....will I never leave? Perhaps the Lord is giving me yet another lesson in patience...He must know that is one of my biggest challenges.

On a different train of thought, today we had a lesson on facing adversity and afflictions. The second counselor in the Bishopric called on me and asked me to explain how I have overcome or worked through an adversity in my life. This caused me to do some serious pondering about my accident and the many things I learned from the experience and how it was a testimony strengthener to me.

1. My testimony of Heavenly Father's Plan: I know the hand dolly was intended to hit me. I don't believe that it was by sheer accident that I walked by the truck the exact moment it fell--the timing was far too perfect. Heavenly Father knew that at that time in my life I needed a gentle reminder (ok, perhaps gentle isn't the best way to describe it-more like a smack on the head) to not take things for granted. I had gotten far too comfortable with just sliding by in the life, especially in matters of the church and the gospel. I was getting by with minimum effort on my part. The accident taught me to not become too comfortable and to not think that I'll just change those habits tomorrow because you never know when you will run out of tomorrows. I know Heavenly Father is aware of each and every one of us and knows what we need. His methods may seem odd to us (I believe having a hand dolly hit me shows that Heavenly Father has a sense of humor) but in His infinite wisdom he knows what He is doing and what is best for us. He knew that I needed that rude awakening.

2. My testimony of Priesthood Blessings: After my accident I was given a blessing that night. After the blessing the pain did not subside and began to doubt whether or not the blessing had even worked. This lapse of faith was brief, however, because I then began to ponder what had been said in the blessing. I had not been promised that I would feel no pain or that I would heal quickly. I had, however been blessed with comfort and been told that I would get better. I had first taken "comfort" to mean the pain would be gone. However, I received understanding later that "comfort" meant something else. I was comforted with knowledge; knowledge that the accident wasn't really an accident, but that it was intended for me. Immediately I stopped feeling sorry for myself and being angry that it had been me that was hit, and instead began to ponder why it had been me and what I needed to learn from this. Heavenly Father knew what I needed at that time--had He just made the pain go away I would have still continued to throw my pity party and would have made myself miserable. Instead he gave me the enlightenment that I needed, thus allowing me to have a more positive perspective on the accident, which has helped me immensely as I continue to suffer from this trial. And I still believe that what the blessing said is true--I WILL get better. I just need to keep in mind that things don't always happen in the timeframe I want them to and everything is done in the Lord's own time.

3. My love of my Savior: With the fact that there is really nothing that can be done to alleviate the pain in my neck, except being patient and waiting for it to heal slowly with time, I have come to rely heavily on my Savior. I am reminded of the poem "Footprints in the Sand". At this point of my life there is only one set of footprints-my Saviors as he carries me through this. I can't imagine how hard this trial would have been without His love, comfort, and friendship. He is the only one who has always been there for me. I love Him to no end and am honored to call Him my friend.

I am thankful for my accident--grateful the Lord's plan allowed me to live and learn from the experience.

So close!!

So I got both my doctor and dentist appointments done on Tuesday. It was not a fun day at all! I got poked and prodded and pricked and now I've got a nice bruise on my arm from the stupid lady who took my blood--as if giving blood wasn't bad enough, I now look like I got in a fight and lost. Good news is everything is looking great to getting my papers in VERY soon! All I have left is to get a picture on the website (been delaying the inevitability of taking my missionary picture) and an interview with my bishop and stake president and all the waiting will finally be over and I can get my papers in!

It's a surreal feeling to realize that I'm actually going to serve a mission. Like I said in an earlier post, serving a mission has always been a thought in the back of my mind, but nothing I had ever seriously considered. And yet, here I am, with only weeks to go before I find out where I am going to be called to serve. My emotions are very mixed right now. I definitely have no regrets and no doubts that what I'm doing is right. My emotions are more just nerves setting in and a bit of sadness as I begin to think about all the things I have to say goodbye to for a year and a half. One of the hardest things will be leaving my job--I know, I know, very weird but I love my job and not just because of what I do. I love my coworkers--they are like my second family and in many ways some of the closest friends I have. I tell my coworkers more than I tell many of my friends. I'm going to miss them very much and all the craziness of the West Valley Wal Mart branch--if you guys only knew what things we do behind the wall and screens...

I really wish I could leave on my mission as soon as possible because I know that the longer I stay here, the harder it will be to leave. I just need to keep reminding myself again and again...and again that I've made the right decision and that I am supposed to serve a mission. All my worries and fears become insignificant after that because I know I'm following the Lord's will and I know I will be blessed for it.

Memorial Day Weekend

I love long weekends--especially when I get an extra long weekend AND get paid to have the day off...gotta love working for a credit union :)

I had a fun weekend. On Friday I went and saw two movies--Star Trek and Wolverine. Both were great movies but to my surprise I liked Star Trek better. I am far from being a trekky--in fact this is my first real exposure to the show--but this movie had amazing special effects and just an interesting story line. I did get confused near the end but after having it explained to me I think I understood it. I liked Wolverine but just wasn't that impressed with it. On Sunday I went to my brother Danny's house for a barbeque and then we all played Loaded Questions--such a hilarious game, especially when my family plays it because we are all far from being serious.

On Monday I went to an early movie with my parents, sister, and Danny and his wife (Aaron and Nikki both had to work). We went to Night at the Musuem: Battle of the Smithsoneon. I was very impressed and was laughing throughout the show. It was just as good if not better than the first in my opinion. I then came home and shot some hoops with my Dad. We played PIG twice-I won once and he won once. We then played Around the World and he beat me by quite a bit unfortunately--I need to pick up a basketball more like I used to. After we got cleaned up we went to my Grandma's house for a barbeque. It was ok--I'm not too fond of large family gatherings anymore. I think it's because I have no one my age in the family so I always become rather bored. That and I haven't told any of my extended family yet that I'm going on a mission and it's rather hard to continue to keep it a secret at family gatherings--I hope I can get my papers in soon so I can finally tell my exciting news!!

After the barbeque we went and visited my Grandma and Grandpa Hurst's grave. I donated my flowers that a 60 year-old man gave me (long, awkward story ha ha...) to put on the grave. I really should visit the grave more often. I don't think I've gone since my grandpa passed away almost two years ago. I really miss both of them but my grandpa the most. He was the sweetest guy and I'm grateful that we were able to become very close before he passed away. He was such an amazing example to me of not letting life's trials get you down--my grandpa went blind when my dad was just 13 years old and yet he never appeared bitter to me and I never once heard him feel sorry for himself. He is my hero and I just keep him in mind when my own personal trials start to get to me. When I was told by many people after my accident to sue Coca Cola for all they are worth I kept my grandpa in mind. My grandpa's whole life was changed because of an industrial accident that blackened his world forever. And yet he never once sought vengeance on the company. His philosophy was that the money couldn't bring his eyesight back. I held to that same philosophy after mine--the money couldn't make the pain go away or speed up my recovery. My grandpa really was the sweetest, most loving guy I've known and I miss him immensely. However, I am grateful for his sake that he was able to leave this life and gain back the two things he longed for while he was here on earth--my grandma who passed away in 1999 and his eyesight.

Good Luck Elder Hurst!

My little brother, Chris, left to serve his mission in Indianapolis, Indiana on May 13th (exactly a week ago). I thought sending Chris off would be easier this time because I've already gone through the 2 year away thing with my older brother Danny but this time I think it's harder because he's my little brother and I'm very protective of him. The only thing that will make it easier is when I join him in the mission field and get involved with my own mission. We got our first letter from him on Sunday and he is having a hard time, which is to be expected but still hard to hear. I know he'll be a great missionary and just needs to get past the homesickness. Going to the MTC was also a reality check to me--it suddenly made me going on a mission that much more real to me. I can't believe that the next time I go back it will be me saying goodbye to my family. I am still very much excited to go on a mission, but I will admit the nerves are setting in and I'm scared.

More updates on the mission. I finally went and saw some fancy neurosurgeon up at the University of Utah. Good news and bad news. Good news is my neck looks fine--no broken or fractured bones in there, everything is in place. Bad news is that what most likely is going on with my neck is that I have torn/pulled ligaments which unfortunately can take a long time to heal. The doctor says they usually take about 2 years or more to start healing. My accident happened about 14 months ago so best case scenario I should start feeling better in about March. I really hope it doesn't take longer than that! Living with neck pain is....well a pain in the neck, pun intended ;) I am now trying to decide if I settle with Coca Cola now or when I return from my mission. The doctor thinks that I just need to wait for them to heal, which means no more doctors appointments (yay!) so if I settled now I wouldn't need to use the money for future medical payments. But I still worry something else will pop up that will require more doctors/therapy/etc that I will have to use my settlement for....this is a pretty big and tough decision and being the indecisive person I am most of the time, it may take me awhile to decide what I should do!

Mother's Day Weekend

So I just got back today from a weekend up in Park City for Mother's Day. It's been a tradition on my mom's side of the family for years to go up to my grandpa's timeshare every year to spend Mother's Day weekend. It's always a blast! This year we played baseball in the park on Saturday for hours--so much fun, despite the fact our team lost, I got hit by the ball, my uncle pushed me over to get the ball that was coming, and my nose got sunburnt :) ah...good times.

This weekend was bittersweet--It was great spending time with my whole family but it was sad because this was my brother Chris's last weekend with us. Chris leaves for the MTC on Wednesday to serve in the Indianapolis, Indiana mission. I'm so excited for him and the amazing experiences he's about to experience, but I can also understand how scared and overwhelmed he must feel--I'm already starting to experience those feelings and I haven't even put my papers in yet!! I'll really miss my brother--we've gotten a lot closer over this past year and I really look up to him (and not just because he's taller than me!) He'll be a great missionary.

My decision

So I have finally made my decision-I'm going to serve a mission!

It's so weird to have made this decision because it's honestly never really a direction that I saw my life going. My five year plan has always been about school, school, school. I wanted to get in college and work like crazy and get my Bachelors and then immediately go on to my Masters, and finish all of this as quickly as I could so that I could finally start a career. A mission was always a pushed aside thought that I never completely ruled out but also never really gave that much thought to. Until last year that is...

Being involved in the freak accident that happened last year gave me a whole new perspective on life. Much of what exactly happened with my accident is a blur to me but I do remember one part very vividly and still have nightmares about it--I remember staring up at the sky and thinking that this was it for me. I knew my head had been cut open and I knew I was bleeding badly. The pain was excruciating and I can't get the images of the horrified crowd staring down at me out of my mind. What the worst part about thinking that my life was coming to an end was that all I could think about was all the regrets that I had--there was so much that I wanted to change about my life and so many things I wanted to do. Surviving and walking away from this accident gave me a new lease on life. I know its cliche and I hear it all the time but it is true-life is fragile and short. It made me realize I need to live my life to the fullest. I don't want to have any regrets when my time really does come. Which brings me back to my decision to serve a mission...

I know that most girls my age are finding their special someone's and getting married, which I think is absolutely wonderful and I am very happy for them. However, for me, I have so many things that I want to do, such as a mission, that I can only do while I'm still single. I have plenty of time for marriage and a family-I'm only 21 and have my whole life ahead of me. It was a hard choice to decide to take a year and a half off of school when I'm already behind schedule as it is but I know what I'm doing is right. When filling out my application for the University of Utah to enroll for Fall Semester I felt very unsure and scared for my future and I never finished filling out the application--something just didn't feel right. That's when I really started to fervently pray about the decision I needed to make. The next week I began to fill out mission papers and the feelings I had filling those out were in sharp contrast to the feelings I had when applying for school. I felt calm and at peace and knew that I was taking my life in the right direction. I had my answer and couldn't deny that I know the Lord's plan includes me serving a mission.

I am now anxiously awaiting my doctor's appointment in May (that was the soonest appointment my Neuro-Surgeon had) to determine whether or not I will be able to serve. I still suffer from neck pain every day so I must get my doctor's approval to let me leave for a year and a half.

I know that serving a mission will be a great sacrifice but I also know I will experience blessings and experiences that I would not have had if I had chosen not to serve. I look forward to finally getting my priorities straight and putting the Lord and His work first.

First Post!

Ok I have never really understood how blogging became so big or why anyone would want to read anything that I have to say about the boring-ness that is my life but I figured I'd start one for my own benefit because I most likely will be the only one ever reading this thing :)