(This is a post I completely forgot to post last semester)
Do you ever feel like no matter what choice you make, it will be wrong?
That has how I have felt these past few weeks.
My major source of internal conflict currently: motherhood and career
It seems like lately this is a recurring theme in my life, that is brought up anywhere and everywhere. My marriage and family class talks about the importance of mothers being home and that the prophets have insisted all women stay home. All the lessons in Relief Society also go along the same lines. But then I head over to the business school (at Mormon BYU mind you) and I hear a different story--women need to pursue careers and reach their full potential and you can find that balance between raising a family and having a career.
So what is the right answer? Or is it actually that there isn't one right answer for everyone?
After much prayful consideration, I feel it isn't as black and white as either side is making it seem. This realization hit me hard a few weeks ago at a mentoring luncheon I attended for the Women in Business club. Two days prior I had been infuriated in my marriage and family class when my teacher had insisted that all women should stay home, and then opened it up for our thoughts. I sat there angrily shaking as I listened to all the girls talk about how they had sacrificed the idea of pursuing majors they enjoyed, to instead find a major that would let them be at home with their kids. Although noble, I found the whole idea ridiculous. Are we not hear on earth to pursue our dreams and goals, and to better ourselves? So if I have passion and desire to learn and understand business, should I not pursue it, because according to my class the only major a women should pursue is either family studies or the infamous M.R.S. degree at BYU? I raised my hand and questioned what the professor was saying. I told him I didn't understand why a woman couldn't pursue what she really wanted to do like a man could, and that isn't there a way to just find the balance between both a family and a career. He admitted that we couldn't use blanket statements, but also said we can't ignore what the prophets' have said Needless to say I left class angry and frustrated. Two days later I had my mentoring luncheon. I thought that I would finally find peace of mind because I would hear exactly what I wanted to hear--that women can do both and find success in a career and in their families. I did hear that, but unfortunately that wasn't what stuck out to me. All I heard were things that confirmed my worries of having a career. The keynote speaker said, "I know I can't be there that often for my kids, but I do bring them money and that's important." I was on the verge of tears, as my hopes for doing both seemed to be crashed down by both sides of the argument. If I stay at home, I can't pursue my dreams, if I go to work, all I will bring into my kids' lives is money.
The problem is, it seems both sides are looking at it from the extremes. I look at stay-at-home moms and have nothing but admiration for what they do because I honestly don't know if I have the patience for it. I almost feel like I will need that mental break of work to help me be a good mom. And then I look at these amazing career women who have accomplished so much and broke so many stereotypes about women in the workplace. Women like them have proven to all that women are capable of doing anything that a man can do. Truly, both of these types of women are my heroes for the things they accomplish. Why must we say that one is better than the other? I know that both are just trying to do their very best. Who are we, as a society, to frown upon their decisions. Do we know their circumstances? Do we know the personal revelation that they have received? That's the beauty of revelation and this gospel--it goes down to such a personal level. And it is in this fact, that I finally found my peace between my rock and a hard place. I don't have to know right now what I will do once I have a family. All I know is when that day comes, Jeff and I will seek out the Lord's help and find out what is best for our whole family.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Accomplishing the Impossible
Last semester something happened to me that has never really happened before. I won a competition! My career preparation class, comprised of about 200 students, decided to have a competition with on of our assignments. The assignment was to complete a career plan that outlined where you wanted to go in your career and how you planned to get there. Along with that we had to create a 60 second "elevator pitch" that we could use in any business networking event. The assignment was required for all students, however if you chose you could go and pitch your plan to the teacher and ten students would be selected to present their plans in front of the whole class, plus 10 business executives. The top three winners were to receive $250 scholarships.
Naturally, my original plan was to do just the bare minimum-do the assignment, turn it in, and be done with it. Unfortunately for me, my teacher had other plans. The day after I turned in the assignment she called me personally and told me she was really impressed with my plan and would like for me to try out for the competition. I laughed and told her basically thanks but no thanks. However, I made the big mistake afterwards of telling Jeff about my teacher's call, and even worse, about the scholarships for those who win. Jeff told me I should definitely go for it-what did I have to lose?
So, without even thinking, I signed up to pitch my plan. The night before I furiously worked on fixing my presentation because the original one I had submitted I had hurriedly finished thanks to an unexpected trip to the E.R. When I pitched my plan I was so sure that I had bombed it and was silently grateful I would never have to present in front of the whole class. Unfortunately again my teacher had a difference in opinion. She told me she loved my presentation and told me it was the best one she had seen so far. As happy as I was to get such a compliment, deep down I also knew this meant I would have to present next class.
Sure enough, I was in the top ten, along with eight guys and one girl (got to love Business School-we women always represent at about 20%). I was the third to go and was so grateful to get it over with quickly. The whole presentation could only be three minutes, but it was definitely the longest three minutes of my life. As I sat there and watched the other people present, I was convinced that my presentation had no chance of winning. It came as a complete shock when I was called up on stage to be in the top three. Relief and happiness overwhelmed me because I knew I had just won $250, a huge blessing at the time because my trip to the E.R. was going to cost Jeff and me $300. I didn't even care to here who was 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, since we would all be receiving the money. To my complete shock again, they named the two guys next to me as second and third place, making me the winner of the very first "My Career Plan Competition." But here comes the best part--the announcer turned to me and said that I had two choices--I could take the $250 scholarship, or I could take the mystery prize. Everyone in the class immediately starts shouting at my to take the mystery prize (easy for them to say-its not their money). Jeff had come to watch me present so I immediately searched for him in the crowd. Of course he was among the few shouting at me to take the scholarship. At the moment I did something that may not have been great for my marriage--I ignored my husband and took the mystery prize. I opened the envelope and counted out $300 in cash! The man congratulated me and told me in business, you should always take the risk if you hope for greater reward. Thankfully that risk definitely paid off!
After the competition, the ten finalists were able to go to lunch with the business executives. It was such an amazing opportunity to talk to all these amazing professionals who have made it big in their chosen fields. They offered great advice and counsel, and we had a great conversation specifically about women in business and finding that balance between career and family. Later an article was written about the competition. The writer asked me a whole bunch of questions, but once the article came out, it barely even mentioned I had won :) Insult to injury-he spelled my last name wrong too ;)
The biggest lesson I took away from all of this is the reason why I won over everyone else that presented. Many of the executives came up to me after to congratulate me and told me that what they really liked about my plan was it was flexible. Yes, I had presented a step by step plan for our how wanted to end up in training and development in a company, however at the end I concluded my presentation by saying that throughout my life as I work towards my career goals, that I would never become so set in one thing that I couldn't see opportunity around me. I would be willing to change direction at any time if other opportunities arose. The executives said that is what set me apart--this understanding that our greatest opportunities are not usually planned and that we need to be open and willing to be flexible. How grateful for all the life lessons that have shown me that yes, we can and should make goals and plans; HOWEVER, be prepared to change anything and everything if the Lord asks. My life "plan" is far from the plan that I put together growing up. So many bumps and twists have come along the way. The beautiful thing is, those bumps and twists are some of the most rewarding parts of my life that I wouldn't trade for anything because it has made me who I am and put me where I am today. Whether it be in career decisions or overall life decisions, how crucial it is that we work for what we want, but also allow the Lord to make any changes to these plans to guide us to what we need most.
Naturally, my original plan was to do just the bare minimum-do the assignment, turn it in, and be done with it. Unfortunately for me, my teacher had other plans. The day after I turned in the assignment she called me personally and told me she was really impressed with my plan and would like for me to try out for the competition. I laughed and told her basically thanks but no thanks. However, I made the big mistake afterwards of telling Jeff about my teacher's call, and even worse, about the scholarships for those who win. Jeff told me I should definitely go for it-what did I have to lose?
So, without even thinking, I signed up to pitch my plan. The night before I furiously worked on fixing my presentation because the original one I had submitted I had hurriedly finished thanks to an unexpected trip to the E.R. When I pitched my plan I was so sure that I had bombed it and was silently grateful I would never have to present in front of the whole class. Unfortunately again my teacher had a difference in opinion. She told me she loved my presentation and told me it was the best one she had seen so far. As happy as I was to get such a compliment, deep down I also knew this meant I would have to present next class.
Sure enough, I was in the top ten, along with eight guys and one girl (got to love Business School-we women always represent at about 20%). I was the third to go and was so grateful to get it over with quickly. The whole presentation could only be three minutes, but it was definitely the longest three minutes of my life. As I sat there and watched the other people present, I was convinced that my presentation had no chance of winning. It came as a complete shock when I was called up on stage to be in the top three. Relief and happiness overwhelmed me because I knew I had just won $250, a huge blessing at the time because my trip to the E.R. was going to cost Jeff and me $300. I didn't even care to here who was 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, since we would all be receiving the money. To my complete shock again, they named the two guys next to me as second and third place, making me the winner of the very first "My Career Plan Competition." But here comes the best part--the announcer turned to me and said that I had two choices--I could take the $250 scholarship, or I could take the mystery prize. Everyone in the class immediately starts shouting at my to take the mystery prize (easy for them to say-its not their money). Jeff had come to watch me present so I immediately searched for him in the crowd. Of course he was among the few shouting at me to take the scholarship. At the moment I did something that may not have been great for my marriage--I ignored my husband and took the mystery prize. I opened the envelope and counted out $300 in cash! The man congratulated me and told me in business, you should always take the risk if you hope for greater reward. Thankfully that risk definitely paid off!
After the competition, the ten finalists were able to go to lunch with the business executives. It was such an amazing opportunity to talk to all these amazing professionals who have made it big in their chosen fields. They offered great advice and counsel, and we had a great conversation specifically about women in business and finding that balance between career and family. Later an article was written about the competition. The writer asked me a whole bunch of questions, but once the article came out, it barely even mentioned I had won :) Insult to injury-he spelled my last name wrong too ;)
The biggest lesson I took away from all of this is the reason why I won over everyone else that presented. Many of the executives came up to me after to congratulate me and told me that what they really liked about my plan was it was flexible. Yes, I had presented a step by step plan for our how wanted to end up in training and development in a company, however at the end I concluded my presentation by saying that throughout my life as I work towards my career goals, that I would never become so set in one thing that I couldn't see opportunity around me. I would be willing to change direction at any time if other opportunities arose. The executives said that is what set me apart--this understanding that our greatest opportunities are not usually planned and that we need to be open and willing to be flexible. How grateful for all the life lessons that have shown me that yes, we can and should make goals and plans; HOWEVER, be prepared to change anything and everything if the Lord asks. My life "plan" is far from the plan that I put together growing up. So many bumps and twists have come along the way. The beautiful thing is, those bumps and twists are some of the most rewarding parts of my life that I wouldn't trade for anything because it has made me who I am and put me where I am today. Whether it be in career decisions or overall life decisions, how crucial it is that we work for what we want, but also allow the Lord to make any changes to these plans to guide us to what we need most.
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