Watch Your Step

Unfortunately my plan to stare at the computer screen and suddenly be inspired with what I should write isn't working...all I have found is 50 other things I could be doing than writing this blog post...and weird spots on my ceiling...

It's funny how in the blink of an eye, our lives can take a 180 degree turn and we find ourselves following a different course of life than we ever planned and making decisions that we never saw ourselves making.

I look back at the whole 23.5 years of my life and it amazes me how many twists and turns my life has taken to this point. If you had asked me 5 years ago, just as I was graduating high school, where I saw myself in 5 years, and never in a million years would the words "finance major", "mission", and "BYU" be included of my description of what I saw my future to be like. How did I arrive at where I am, so far away from where I had ever imagined? It's like "they" say, "a journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step...so watch your step". Our lives are composed of simple, small, and steady steps. Each step appears to be so insignificant, with no major impact in the eternal scheme of things. But appearances can be so deceiving...the small choices we make in our every day lives will determine our final destination.

I became so much more aware of the impact of decisions while I was on my mission as I would relate my story of why I was on a mission, since it had never been a plan for me. It made me realize that my decision to serve was really a culmination of so many little and big events in my life...from being raised LDS, to questioning my beliefs, to leaving for New York and discovering what my life might be like without the gospel, to getting distracted by the world, to getting hit on the head and "waking up", to eventually taking the big step of faith and putting my papers in. Every decision we make really does pull from all our experiences in our lives, which is why it is so important to always take everything that comes at us in our lives, blessings and trials, as learning experiences that will help us continue to find the path we need to follow, and never regret anything that did happen, wishing that we could just take it away. We can't change or live in the past, we need to simply to find the life lessons and move on.

So where are my steps leading me these days? Good question...I have no idea. But I am becoming more and more ready to see what the future has in store for me. Are the late night long phone calls, constant texting, and random spur-of-the-moment trip to spend an incredible weekend in California all steps that are leading to where everyone thinks they are leading? Or are these steps going to take a turn somewhere else or to a dead end? That's the beauty of relationships--there is the mystery of the unknown future that seems to be a invisible weight over every conversation. I'm scared of what's going to happen and I am trying so hard to watch every step I make, to make sure I make no mistakes this time. But how careful can we be in matters of love?

I guess all I have to say to myself is:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge Him,
and He shall direct thy paths.

the scriptures have all the answers :)