Between a rock and a hard place

(This is a post I completely forgot to post last semester)

Do you ever feel like no matter what choice you make, it will be wrong?

That has how I have felt these past few weeks.

My major source of internal conflict currently:  motherhood and career

It seems like lately this is a recurring theme in my life, that is brought up anywhere and everywhere.  My marriage and family class talks about the importance of mothers being home and that the prophets have insisted all women stay home.  All the lessons in Relief Society also go along the same lines.  But then I head over to the business school (at Mormon BYU mind you) and I hear a different story--women need to pursue careers and reach their full potential and you can find that balance between raising a family and having a career. 

So what is the right answer?  Or is it actually that there isn't one right answer for everyone?

After much prayful consideration, I feel it isn't as black and white as either side is making it seem.  This realization hit me hard a few weeks ago at a mentoring luncheon I attended for the Women in Business club.  Two days prior I had been infuriated in my marriage and family class when my teacher had insisted that all women should stay home, and then opened it up for our thoughts.  I sat there angrily shaking as I listened to all the girls talk about how they had sacrificed the idea of pursuing majors they enjoyed, to instead find a major that would let them be at home with their kids.  Although noble, I found the whole idea ridiculous.  Are we not hear on earth to pursue our dreams and goals, and to better ourselves?  So if I have  passion and desire to learn and understand business, should I not pursue it, because according to my class the only major a women should pursue is either family studies or the infamous M.R.S. degree at BYU?  I raised my hand and questioned what the professor was saying.  I told him I didn't understand why a woman couldn't pursue what she really wanted to do like a man could, and that isn't there a way to just find the balance between both a family and a career.  He admitted that we couldn't use blanket statements, but also said we can't ignore what the prophets' have said  Needless to say I left class angry and frustrated.  Two days later I had my mentoring luncheon.  I thought that I would finally find peace of mind because I would hear exactly what I wanted to hear--that women can do both and find success in a career and in their families.  I did hear that, but unfortunately that wasn't what stuck out to me.  All I heard were things that confirmed my worries of having a career.  The keynote speaker said,  "I know I can't be there that often for my kids, but I do bring them money and that's important."  I was on the verge of tears, as my hopes for doing both seemed to be crashed down by both sides of the argument.  If I stay at home, I can't pursue my dreams, if I go to work, all I will bring into my kids' lives is money.

The problem is, it seems both sides are looking at it from the extremes.  I look at stay-at-home moms and have nothing but admiration for what they do because I honestly don't know if I have the patience for it.  I almost feel like I will need that mental break of work to help me be a good mom.  And then I look at these amazing career women who have accomplished so much and broke so many stereotypes about women in the workplace.  Women like them have proven to all that women are capable of doing anything that a man can do.  Truly, both of these types of women are my heroes for the things they accomplish.  Why must we say that one is better than the other?  I know that both are just trying to do their very best.  Who are we, as a society, to frown upon their decisions.  Do we know their circumstances?  Do we know the personal revelation that they have received?  That's the beauty of revelation and this gospel--it goes down to such a personal level.  And it is in this fact, that I finally found my peace between my rock and a hard place.  I don't have to know right now what I will do once I have a family.  All I know is when that day comes, Jeff and I will seek out the Lord's help and find out what is best for our whole family.