It's hard to believe that I have now been a mother for 4 months. In some ways it seems like it was just yesterday that Jeff and I were staring at the pregnancy test, in complete disbelief that the positive was actually a positive, while other days it feels like its been years since I last got a decent amount of sleep.
I remember on my mission how much I HATED it when someone would talk about missionaries sacrificing part of their lives to serve the Lord. The way I saw it, I was being blessed with so much more than I ever gave up. The same is true with having a child. Some would say you sacrifice a lot to have children, and there are many in today's society who would deem the sacrifice as being not worth it. Yes, my slim figure is a thing of the past, Jeff and my life savings that we worked so hard to build up is all but gone, these black circles under my eyes from lack of sleep will probably never go away, and spit up stains seem to have become a normal part of my wardrobe. And yet, never once would I say Keegan isn't worth it all. Other than Jeff, Keegan is the greatest blessing in my life and I can't imagine our family without him.
That's not to say it's been easy, in fact these past few months have been among the hardest in my life. Just the other night Keegan was up crying as usual at 3 am (this was of course after just feeding him at 1 am). I had reached my breaking point and just started bawling as I fed him because my body just couldn't take another sleepless night, knowing I had to be up in just a few hours for a full day of work. But then I looked down at my son. There he was, staring up at me with what looked like a look of concern for his mom. As soon as he saw he had my attention, he gave me one his huge gummy grins that seem to cover his entire face. I knew it was one of those tender mercies from the Lord, reminding me to not take any of these moments for granted, no matter how trying they may be. There will come a day when my heart will ache to once again be able to hold my baby boy in my arms as I watch him head off to kindergarten, or see him drive a car for the first time, or graduate high school, or leave for his mission, or one day marry his eternal sweetheart. Childhood is fleeting, my baby is growing up right before my eyes. So sure, I'll have a few more sleepless nights, most likely many more, but in the end it's all worth it, like all "sacrifices" are.
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