Black Friday Madness

As I sit here staring at the madness that is black friday shopping at Wal Mart, it reminds me of the amazing holiday we all celebrated yesterday, and how quickly we all seem to forget why we celebrated it. Thanksgiving is a day to remember all the things we are grateful for, and yet how ironic is it that the day after Thanksgiving is all about going out to buy everything we think we need but don't have. What happened to being grateful for what we already have?

Therefore, I am grateful for:

*My incredibly amazing family who I consider my best friends in life. I wouldn't be who or where I am today if it wasn't for them.

*My Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ

*The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Answers all of life's questions and helps me keep going.

*College-the fact that I am working towards a degree that I love at a school that allows me to remember that the gospel is a part of everything.

*Government grants--God bless free money for school!

*My job that helps me remember why I love finance and helps me pay to learn more about it at school

*TJ, a guy who is amazing and keeps me laughing

*Amazing friends and roommates

Happy Late Thanksgiving!

All According to Plan

GUESS WHO GOT ACCEPTED TO THE MARRIOTT SCHOOL OF MANAGEMENT?!!!!




Clarification: I got accepted :) There goes my back-up plan to be a street beggar....

Watch Your Step

Unfortunately my plan to stare at the computer screen and suddenly be inspired with what I should write isn't working...all I have found is 50 other things I could be doing than writing this blog post...and weird spots on my ceiling...

It's funny how in the blink of an eye, our lives can take a 180 degree turn and we find ourselves following a different course of life than we ever planned and making decisions that we never saw ourselves making.

I look back at the whole 23.5 years of my life and it amazes me how many twists and turns my life has taken to this point. If you had asked me 5 years ago, just as I was graduating high school, where I saw myself in 5 years, and never in a million years would the words "finance major", "mission", and "BYU" be included of my description of what I saw my future to be like. How did I arrive at where I am, so far away from where I had ever imagined? It's like "they" say, "a journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step...so watch your step". Our lives are composed of simple, small, and steady steps. Each step appears to be so insignificant, with no major impact in the eternal scheme of things. But appearances can be so deceiving...the small choices we make in our every day lives will determine our final destination.

I became so much more aware of the impact of decisions while I was on my mission as I would relate my story of why I was on a mission, since it had never been a plan for me. It made me realize that my decision to serve was really a culmination of so many little and big events in my life...from being raised LDS, to questioning my beliefs, to leaving for New York and discovering what my life might be like without the gospel, to getting distracted by the world, to getting hit on the head and "waking up", to eventually taking the big step of faith and putting my papers in. Every decision we make really does pull from all our experiences in our lives, which is why it is so important to always take everything that comes at us in our lives, blessings and trials, as learning experiences that will help us continue to find the path we need to follow, and never regret anything that did happen, wishing that we could just take it away. We can't change or live in the past, we need to simply to find the life lessons and move on.

So where are my steps leading me these days? Good question...I have no idea. But I am becoming more and more ready to see what the future has in store for me. Are the late night long phone calls, constant texting, and random spur-of-the-moment trip to spend an incredible weekend in California all steps that are leading to where everyone thinks they are leading? Or are these steps going to take a turn somewhere else or to a dead end? That's the beauty of relationships--there is the mystery of the unknown future that seems to be a invisible weight over every conversation. I'm scared of what's going to happen and I am trying so hard to watch every step I make, to make sure I make no mistakes this time. But how careful can we be in matters of love?

I guess all I have to say to myself is:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge Him,
and He shall direct thy paths.

the scriptures have all the answers :)

The "Face" of the Gospel

Today I am depressed for reasons that are not important in the eternal scheme of things, and decided the best way to find happiness right now is to stop thinking about myself and my current concerns, and instead remind myself of more important things in life.

While on my mission I had a companion tell me that she had seen the gospel on her mission. After that, I started to write down many of the amazing experiences on my mission where I too had seen the face of the gospel through God's children in Idaho and New Caledonia. I was able to fill a whole journal page of experiences I had and people who I had met, some just briefly, who helped me to see what the Gospel truly is. Here are just a few:

*a tearful prayer of gratitude from two sister missionaries as God grants them a miracle.

(day that I got cleared to serve my mission)

*a young adult crying as the Spirit testifies to her that Jesus is the Christ, knowledge that she had never had before in her Buddhist beliefs.

(Thuy Nelson's baptism--she was baptized after I left Moscow, Idaho)

*receiving a text from a member who was inactive for 11 years, informing us that he can once again take the sacrament...and watching the Atonement in action has he joyfully took the bread and water.

*a young teenage mother praying for the first time in her life, tears flowing as she openly talked to her attentive Heavenly Father

*being put in the path of an old woman who is sick and tired and being able to help and serve her as Christ would havedone.

*a priesthood blessing from an elder who knew nothing of my concerns for my family, specifically sister, letting me know that my family would be protected physically and spiritually during my mission-and the many wonderful letters that followed confirming that God will always keep His promises.

(being reunited with my best friend/sister)

*a man who quits smoking in a day because "it felt like the right thing to do."

(Jean-Claude's baptism)

*watching faithful members sacrifice the whole year so that they could save enough money to make the trip to New Zealand to attend the temple.

*a father who finally quits smoking and gets baptized after years of waiting, so that he can take his family to the temple and be sealed to them for time and all eternity.

(Jimmy's baptism)

*an old man who finds his faith and is willing to give up everything he owns and loves to follow someone he loves more--his Savior.

(Robert's baptism)

*an old valiant member whose son dies suddenly, and yet continues forward with a smile because for him the gospel is not just a list of beliefs--it is who he is and what he lives everyday.

(Brother Parau)

*being able to serve my full-mission despite my physical difficulties, as the Lord granted me daily strength to continue

(my last day in the field)

One month taste of the real world

The real world tastes very bitter sweet.

I can not believe it has been over a month since I came home. Time flys by faster after the mission than on it, if that's even possible.

I ache to return to my mission. I'd love nothing more right now than to be a full-time missionary again, to be back with my family in New Cal. However, I will admit that I am enjoying life right now, and the Lord has truly given me some great blessings since I've been home. I was blessed quickly and fairly easily with the job I wanted and was able to start right before school started. I have great coworkers and an awesome manager, plus a job that allows me to do a lot of my homework there which is helping me keep on top of my classes. I have been blessed to be at BYU. Never thought I'd put "blessed" and "BYU" in the same sentence....but just goes to show we can all change, and that we shouldn't judge an institution by its crazy marriage obsessed students. I love my classes and teachers, and LOVE that we can talk about religion in ANY class. I have been blessed with the ability to pay for school, rent, etc....not to mention the federal grants I just received for Fall and Winter semester! The Lord also blessed me with two old mission companions right down the street who are even in my same ward! It helps my New Cal homesickness by hanging out with them and being able to speak French and talk about the mission. Plus they are both such amazing people and great friends. I found friends for life on my mission, one of the major tender mercies the Lord extended to me in the field. I'm grateful He did, because otherwise I would have come home to very few, if any, friends. The one taste of real life I'm not enjoying is dating...I'm going to need a couple more years for that one ;)

18 months later

Where did the past 18 months of my life go? If it wasn't for the fact that I have surrounded myself in my room with reminders of "my island", I would begin to think that my mission was nothing but a wonderful dream. I miss it...I miss the island, the people, the language, the feeling of putting on my badge everyday, sharing the gospel with anyone and everyone who would listen. I even miss the food, raw fish and all! I know that the mission was meant to give me a foundation for the rest of my life, and that I now I need to continue on, continue to live this thing we call real life. But I don't want to...life just made so much more sense on the mission. I had direction, I knew what I needed to be doing everyday. Now it's up to me to make choices for my life...and not just any choices, but life-changing ones.

I'm scared...oh me of little faith.

Stronger than ever

I have been waiting for months for this month to arrive, and now that it has finally arrived it seems to be disappearing far too quickly. I leave for my mission in 24 days. I am excited to serve the Lord through missionary work, but I'll admit my nerves are setting in as I begin to make last preparations to leave. It's so surreal seeing my luggage sitting in the corner of my room, knowing that I will be packing soon to leave for 18 months to go to a country who's culture, customs, and language are far different than anything I've already experienced. I'm scared and nervous, worried that I will not adequately represent this amazing church. I pray every day for comfort and guidance to better help me prepare to become a missionary. I know the Lord will be with me always, as will the spirit be my constant companion.

I've had a very interesting week at work. On Tuesday my coworker handed me a book and stated the author of the book (a friend of hers) heard I was going on a mission and told her to have me read his book. Immediately I was worried because my coworker is not LDS, and in fact she is made it quite well-known she is very much against the LDS faith, for reasons I know not. However, I took the book and said I'd try it because it claimed on the cover it was not anti-LDS literature, nor did I think my friend Brandie would give me something that outwardly offended my faith knowing I am preparing to serve a mission. I wish I had been right. The book is titled "I was a Born-Again Mormon", and the author, Shawn McCraney, attacks the LDS faith. He is cunning and does not do it in such a way as most anti-LDS do, but his statements that he represented as facts about the LDS were despicable and made my stomach churn. He downgraded our view on Christ, stating that the LDS didn't feel Christ made the ultimate sacrifice or that we really need the atonement. He said that the LDS put on a facade and just appear to be perfect on the outside. I could go on but I don't feel it's necessary to know the details of what he said, except for the fact he was so very wrong about the church. I read about 100 pages of the book before I couldn't take it anymore and so during my lunch break I went home and grabbed "Jesus the Christ". I started reading that and couldn't put it down. I have tried before to read this book and always had a difficult time getting through it but this time I was breezing through it and understanding exactly what Talmage was stating. What was a further testimony builder to me that God knew I needed the spirit more than ever at that moment was that within the first 20 pages of the book Talmage explained in perfect detail and exactness our view of the Savior. It is just what I needed to hear.

After I got home from work I made the decision to give Brandie back her book and quickly explain to her that McCraney has completely misunderstood the LDS doctrine and that I couldn't even recognize my religion from what he was saying. Unfortunately the next time I worked with Brandie she threw another curveball at me. She sent me an email:

Hello! I just had to tell you the funniest thing that happened the night before last. Shawn McCraney emailed me and asked if I got his book back. I emailed him back and said what are you talking about. He said that a lot of people will give the book back to the person that gave it to them and cry heresy before they even read the whole book. I said no I didn't get the book back yet and that you were reading it. I told him you weren't like everyone else, you have a mind of your own and can come up with an opinion on your own about the book. He wrote me back and said, that he would bet me that I would get it back by the first of next week unread entirely. I said I will take that bet, what are we betting. He said if I win and you read the whole book, then 25.00 will be donated to your mission. If he wins, I have to donate 25.00 to his ministry.

I told him, you have no idea what you are asking. Harmony is extremely intelligent. And will totally win this challenge. He said yeah I've heard that before.

He said I have to have proof so there are questions I guess that need answers in the book? He said three questions from the book have to be answered in short paragraphs for me to be able to prove you read it.

So what do you think? Now I totally have to read it myself. Is there anything you want me to ask him that you have read so far? I know you love a debate, and I totally know he loves a debate. He would totally answer any questions you had.

I don't know if you are up for the challenge or not.

This email disgusted me because it is so manipulative. I am not sure if she wrote it or if he wrote it and her pass it off as her writing, but either way I was not happy. Here I was going to return the book to her that day and she has now tried playing to my intelligence and love of a good debate. Unfortunately for her because I am intelligent I can see what she is trying to do and I refuse to debate religion because it leads to nowhere and I love my faith too much to have this man try to drag it through the mud in an attempt to shake my testimony.

If this was anyone but my coworker I would tell her exactly what I think with no worries as to offending her, however since she is a coworker it becomes a very delicate situation because I still need to work with her. I hold no feelings of anger towards her, I'm more upset that she could be this disrespectful to my religion, a religion that I am willingly giving everything up to go serve and spread in another part of the world. Why would she try shaking my faith at a time like this? Why try to distract me from the sacred work I'm about to do? I've never once told her I've doubted my faith or testimony and yet through her emails it sounds like that's what she thinks is happening.

I am grateful for this situation overall though, because although she is being manipulative and disrespectful I know that this is not the last person I will come across that will slander my religion to my face. A few years ago this book could have been a testimony shaker; however my testimony has never been as firm or as strong as it is now. Nothing she or this author could say could make me waiver in my beliefs. All it does is make me stronger and more determined to find those that are truly searching for the truth.

I guess Brandie will be out $25 :)