I will go and I will do...but I wish I could understand why

Thank you Heavenly Father for answering the "True or False" question, now if you would be so kind as to fill out the essay response that answers "Why?!"

His ways are not my ways

My life direction is about to take a 90 degree turn. Things that I have felt so sure on are suddenly no longer clear. Things that I have wanted so desperately no longer feel right. Why would the Lord do this to me--make me feel so sure about something, only to tell me later, "just kidding, you really should do something else"? I have felt so lost and confused this past week as I have been through a rollercoaster of emotions. But now as I write this I can say that I feel at peace. Why? Because I came to terms last night at around midnight that I need to let go of the past and press forward with faith for the future.
Allow me to be less vague. I am changing my major. Shocking, I know. Finance has been my passion and dream ever since I started working for AFCU in 2007. And yet here I am, about 5 years later, turning away from it to pursue something else. You see, the Marriott School of Management is changing its Finance program. The business management program that I worked so hard to get accepted into, is getting rid of its financial emphasis. If I were to pursue Finance, I would have to do it as a separate major, which means applying again to be accepted. So is that why I'm wanting to change my major? No, I'm not that lazy....but this change in the program has allowed me to step back and analyze where I am right now and how happy I am with my major. And that's when it hit me--I don't really enjoy my finance classes, in fact, they have usually been among my least enjoyable classes so far. I realized that the reason I love Finance is because I love helping people who are struggling to make ends meet and who need someone to sit down with them and teach them how to budget. However, this is not what a finance major at BYU entails. The classes I would have to take would include classes like "Corporate Finance" and "Advanced Investments"....basically I would help the rich get richer. That's not what I want to do, I don't find that fulfilling in the slightest. So as I listened to the advisor explain the new finance program to me last week, I just had a strong feeling that I should consider finding another emphasis in the Business Management program. Which brings me to my thought of becoming a Business Management major with an emphasis in......Organizational Behavior! I love my OB class this semester and have always thought that I would enjoy a job in HR--being able to work with people and make sure their is a good work environment for employees. Plus I am also not afraid to tell it how it is when it comes to disciplinary action and termination for employees. Everyone I have talked to about my possible career change has mentioned that they think that would be a good fit for me. The hardest part about changing is letting go of the past, letting go of something that has been a part of who I am...I'm Harmony Hurst, the finance major. It just has made me wonder why the Lord would have guided me in the direction of finance, when in the end it doesn't feel right. But my wise father pointed out that if it weren't for finance, I wouldn't have been in the business school. I wouldn't have been taking my OB class this semester. Just when we think the Lord's plans for us couldn't be any more random or confusing, we need to take a step back and look at the greater picture. My job at AFCU helped me decide my major in Finance, and it also caused me to be hit by the hand dolly, which led me to eventually serving a mission. My major in finance led me to the business school, which has now led me to a major that I find more enjoyable. It's like Elder Bednar mentioned once in conference--when we look up close at a painting sometimes we can only see just a bunch of random splotches that seem to have no rhyme or reason. But when we take a step back and see the full picture, we behold the beautiful painting the artist created. It's the same things Heavenly Father is doing with our lives, we just need to allow Him control of the paintbrush.

Black Friday Madness

As I sit here staring at the madness that is black friday shopping at Wal Mart, it reminds me of the amazing holiday we all celebrated yesterday, and how quickly we all seem to forget why we celebrated it. Thanksgiving is a day to remember all the things we are grateful for, and yet how ironic is it that the day after Thanksgiving is all about going out to buy everything we think we need but don't have. What happened to being grateful for what we already have?

Therefore, I am grateful for:

*My incredibly amazing family who I consider my best friends in life. I wouldn't be who or where I am today if it wasn't for them.

*My Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ

*The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Answers all of life's questions and helps me keep going.

*College-the fact that I am working towards a degree that I love at a school that allows me to remember that the gospel is a part of everything.

*Government grants--God bless free money for school!

*My job that helps me remember why I love finance and helps me pay to learn more about it at school

*TJ, a guy who is amazing and keeps me laughing

*Amazing friends and roommates

Happy Late Thanksgiving!

All According to Plan

GUESS WHO GOT ACCEPTED TO THE MARRIOTT SCHOOL OF MANAGEMENT?!!!!




Clarification: I got accepted :) There goes my back-up plan to be a street beggar....

Watch Your Step

Unfortunately my plan to stare at the computer screen and suddenly be inspired with what I should write isn't working...all I have found is 50 other things I could be doing than writing this blog post...and weird spots on my ceiling...

It's funny how in the blink of an eye, our lives can take a 180 degree turn and we find ourselves following a different course of life than we ever planned and making decisions that we never saw ourselves making.

I look back at the whole 23.5 years of my life and it amazes me how many twists and turns my life has taken to this point. If you had asked me 5 years ago, just as I was graduating high school, where I saw myself in 5 years, and never in a million years would the words "finance major", "mission", and "BYU" be included of my description of what I saw my future to be like. How did I arrive at where I am, so far away from where I had ever imagined? It's like "they" say, "a journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step...so watch your step". Our lives are composed of simple, small, and steady steps. Each step appears to be so insignificant, with no major impact in the eternal scheme of things. But appearances can be so deceiving...the small choices we make in our every day lives will determine our final destination.

I became so much more aware of the impact of decisions while I was on my mission as I would relate my story of why I was on a mission, since it had never been a plan for me. It made me realize that my decision to serve was really a culmination of so many little and big events in my life...from being raised LDS, to questioning my beliefs, to leaving for New York and discovering what my life might be like without the gospel, to getting distracted by the world, to getting hit on the head and "waking up", to eventually taking the big step of faith and putting my papers in. Every decision we make really does pull from all our experiences in our lives, which is why it is so important to always take everything that comes at us in our lives, blessings and trials, as learning experiences that will help us continue to find the path we need to follow, and never regret anything that did happen, wishing that we could just take it away. We can't change or live in the past, we need to simply to find the life lessons and move on.

So where are my steps leading me these days? Good question...I have no idea. But I am becoming more and more ready to see what the future has in store for me. Are the late night long phone calls, constant texting, and random spur-of-the-moment trip to spend an incredible weekend in California all steps that are leading to where everyone thinks they are leading? Or are these steps going to take a turn somewhere else or to a dead end? That's the beauty of relationships--there is the mystery of the unknown future that seems to be a invisible weight over every conversation. I'm scared of what's going to happen and I am trying so hard to watch every step I make, to make sure I make no mistakes this time. But how careful can we be in matters of love?

I guess all I have to say to myself is:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge Him,
and He shall direct thy paths.

the scriptures have all the answers :)

The "Face" of the Gospel

Today I am depressed for reasons that are not important in the eternal scheme of things, and decided the best way to find happiness right now is to stop thinking about myself and my current concerns, and instead remind myself of more important things in life.

While on my mission I had a companion tell me that she had seen the gospel on her mission. After that, I started to write down many of the amazing experiences on my mission where I too had seen the face of the gospel through God's children in Idaho and New Caledonia. I was able to fill a whole journal page of experiences I had and people who I had met, some just briefly, who helped me to see what the Gospel truly is. Here are just a few:

*a tearful prayer of gratitude from two sister missionaries as God grants them a miracle.

(day that I got cleared to serve my mission)

*a young adult crying as the Spirit testifies to her that Jesus is the Christ, knowledge that she had never had before in her Buddhist beliefs.

(Thuy Nelson's baptism--she was baptized after I left Moscow, Idaho)

*receiving a text from a member who was inactive for 11 years, informing us that he can once again take the sacrament...and watching the Atonement in action has he joyfully took the bread and water.

*a young teenage mother praying for the first time in her life, tears flowing as she openly talked to her attentive Heavenly Father

*being put in the path of an old woman who is sick and tired and being able to help and serve her as Christ would havedone.

*a priesthood blessing from an elder who knew nothing of my concerns for my family, specifically sister, letting me know that my family would be protected physically and spiritually during my mission-and the many wonderful letters that followed confirming that God will always keep His promises.

(being reunited with my best friend/sister)

*a man who quits smoking in a day because "it felt like the right thing to do."

(Jean-Claude's baptism)

*watching faithful members sacrifice the whole year so that they could save enough money to make the trip to New Zealand to attend the temple.

*a father who finally quits smoking and gets baptized after years of waiting, so that he can take his family to the temple and be sealed to them for time and all eternity.

(Jimmy's baptism)

*an old man who finds his faith and is willing to give up everything he owns and loves to follow someone he loves more--his Savior.

(Robert's baptism)

*an old valiant member whose son dies suddenly, and yet continues forward with a smile because for him the gospel is not just a list of beliefs--it is who he is and what he lives everyday.

(Brother Parau)

*being able to serve my full-mission despite my physical difficulties, as the Lord granted me daily strength to continue

(my last day in the field)

One month taste of the real world

The real world tastes very bitter sweet.

I can not believe it has been over a month since I came home. Time flys by faster after the mission than on it, if that's even possible.

I ache to return to my mission. I'd love nothing more right now than to be a full-time missionary again, to be back with my family in New Cal. However, I will admit that I am enjoying life right now, and the Lord has truly given me some great blessings since I've been home. I was blessed quickly and fairly easily with the job I wanted and was able to start right before school started. I have great coworkers and an awesome manager, plus a job that allows me to do a lot of my homework there which is helping me keep on top of my classes. I have been blessed to be at BYU. Never thought I'd put "blessed" and "BYU" in the same sentence....but just goes to show we can all change, and that we shouldn't judge an institution by its crazy marriage obsessed students. I love my classes and teachers, and LOVE that we can talk about religion in ANY class. I have been blessed with the ability to pay for school, rent, etc....not to mention the federal grants I just received for Fall and Winter semester! The Lord also blessed me with two old mission companions right down the street who are even in my same ward! It helps my New Cal homesickness by hanging out with them and being able to speak French and talk about the mission. Plus they are both such amazing people and great friends. I found friends for life on my mission, one of the major tender mercies the Lord extended to me in the field. I'm grateful He did, because otherwise I would have come home to very few, if any, friends. The one taste of real life I'm not enjoying is dating...I'm going to need a couple more years for that one ;)