Just When You Least Expect It....

So much to say and I don't know where to start...

As I blogged about a month ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was an emotional wreck after and wished I could just understand why it needed to happen and why neither one of us felt it wasn't right. He and I broke up on a thursday and then on saturday got together to try and talk things out to see if we could figure out why. We had a good talk and I learned a lot of things about myself and about him, but come tuesday, we both just realized that we had given it our best shots and it just wasn't meant to last between us. It was a hard reality to face, but immediately after I drove away from him that night, I felt immediate peace and confidence that everything was going to be fine.

So here is where things get really interesting...but first a little bit of background information:

About 2 1/2 years ago I entered a little place called the MTC...a place full of homesick missionaries and all you can eat cafeteria foods...truly a dream come true ;) In the MTC there is only one French Zone that includes all the missionaries that will be speaking French. Since my district was so small with just my companion, our solo elder, and me, we would get combined with another district for different things. We became pretty close with that district and were sad when they left three weeks before we did, especially since we wouldn't be seeing them again for about two years. About two weeks after they left, I was VERY surprised when I received a letter from one of the elders in that district--an Elder Receveur. Elder Receveur was an elder from New York who went to the Belgium/France mission.

And so it began. I'll admit that it took me a few months, but I finally wrote him back. And then he wrote me quickly back....and it soon became a competition to see who could write back the quickest. We ended up writing each other all the way through both of our missions--that's right, once I got home I still continued to write him. My companions were quick to realize that I would receive many letters from one specific elder and would tease me and tell me we would end up dating after our missions. I just laughed it off and told them it was nothing, that we were both missionaries who needed someone to write. But I couldn't deny the big smile on my face every time I'd see a letter from him waiting for me.

Fast forward to June 2011. My intentions upon coming home were to date as much as I could and stay single until January-when I would be seeing Elder Receveur, Jeff, at BYU. I know it seems a little crazy that I would want to wait for an elder I hadn't ever dated before, but something just kept telling me that I would regret not going on a date with him. But then the unexpected happened and a boyfriend from my past came back into the picture and I fell in love. We ended up dating long distance for about 4 months and then he moved to the state and we dated exclusively. This was a hard decision to make, once again because of one elder. But I felt I should give my current relationship the best chance it could have, so I "wrote off" Elder Receveur in my mind, telling myself that nothing was going to happen anyways.

Fast forward again to February 2012. After many prayers and temple visits, TJ and I both realized that we just weren't right for each other and things weren't meant to be. We broke up and the NEXT day I ran into Elder Receveur...Jeff...on campus. My first thoughts were "Heavenly Father, what are you trying to pull?!" We ended up going to lunch with some of my old companions and then talking outside the library for over 2 hours. Timing wise, it wasn't the best day for me to see him because I was still such a wreck from the break-up the night before. Thankfully we ended up hanging out later once I received my closure from my break-up, and I was finally able to start enjoying dating again.

And boy have I enjoyed dating :) For a month now Jeff and I have spent every day together, and are with each other any time neither one of us has class (or sometimes I go to class with him, I know, I'm a nerd), work, or needs to sleep. It's crazy to think we've only been dating a month because it feels like we've been together so much longer than that. I guess that's the benefit of living close and being able to spend so much time together. I love all the fun things we have done or are planning to do. He loves adventure just as much as me so our weekly date nights are always fun and different :)

I feel so different in this relationship than I have felt in the past. Things feel so right and everything just seems to be fitting together...kinda like finding that missing piece to the puzzle. It's just amazing to see the Lord's hand in all of it.

Stay tuned for more exciting updates ;)

One week later...

Crazy how much things can change in one week. Last saturday i was an emotional wreck as I tried to deal with the sadness from the break-up. But then after a good talk Tuesday night I finally found complete peace. And I've been great ever since! I know without a doubt it was the right decision for both of us, and that our time together wasn't meant to last. I'm thankful for all the things I learned about myself these past months, and all the learning and growing that came. I'm ready to face the future and accept and embrace whatever the Lord has in store for me. I hope I can do better at seeking out the Lord and listening to the Spirit so that I can receive that confirmation that the Lord is pleased with the path I'm taking.

Side note: I finally got a "well done" on a midterm! Best Valentine's gift ever!!

I will go and I will do...but I wish I could understand why

Thank you Heavenly Father for answering the "True or False" question, now if you would be so kind as to fill out the essay response that answers "Why?!"

His ways are not my ways

My life direction is about to take a 90 degree turn. Things that I have felt so sure on are suddenly no longer clear. Things that I have wanted so desperately no longer feel right. Why would the Lord do this to me--make me feel so sure about something, only to tell me later, "just kidding, you really should do something else"? I have felt so lost and confused this past week as I have been through a rollercoaster of emotions. But now as I write this I can say that I feel at peace. Why? Because I came to terms last night at around midnight that I need to let go of the past and press forward with faith for the future.
Allow me to be less vague. I am changing my major. Shocking, I know. Finance has been my passion and dream ever since I started working for AFCU in 2007. And yet here I am, about 5 years later, turning away from it to pursue something else. You see, the Marriott School of Management is changing its Finance program. The business management program that I worked so hard to get accepted into, is getting rid of its financial emphasis. If I were to pursue Finance, I would have to do it as a separate major, which means applying again to be accepted. So is that why I'm wanting to change my major? No, I'm not that lazy....but this change in the program has allowed me to step back and analyze where I am right now and how happy I am with my major. And that's when it hit me--I don't really enjoy my finance classes, in fact, they have usually been among my least enjoyable classes so far. I realized that the reason I love Finance is because I love helping people who are struggling to make ends meet and who need someone to sit down with them and teach them how to budget. However, this is not what a finance major at BYU entails. The classes I would have to take would include classes like "Corporate Finance" and "Advanced Investments"....basically I would help the rich get richer. That's not what I want to do, I don't find that fulfilling in the slightest. So as I listened to the advisor explain the new finance program to me last week, I just had a strong feeling that I should consider finding another emphasis in the Business Management program. Which brings me to my thought of becoming a Business Management major with an emphasis in......Organizational Behavior! I love my OB class this semester and have always thought that I would enjoy a job in HR--being able to work with people and make sure their is a good work environment for employees. Plus I am also not afraid to tell it how it is when it comes to disciplinary action and termination for employees. Everyone I have talked to about my possible career change has mentioned that they think that would be a good fit for me. The hardest part about changing is letting go of the past, letting go of something that has been a part of who I am...I'm Harmony Hurst, the finance major. It just has made me wonder why the Lord would have guided me in the direction of finance, when in the end it doesn't feel right. But my wise father pointed out that if it weren't for finance, I wouldn't have been in the business school. I wouldn't have been taking my OB class this semester. Just when we think the Lord's plans for us couldn't be any more random or confusing, we need to take a step back and look at the greater picture. My job at AFCU helped me decide my major in Finance, and it also caused me to be hit by the hand dolly, which led me to eventually serving a mission. My major in finance led me to the business school, which has now led me to a major that I find more enjoyable. It's like Elder Bednar mentioned once in conference--when we look up close at a painting sometimes we can only see just a bunch of random splotches that seem to have no rhyme or reason. But when we take a step back and see the full picture, we behold the beautiful painting the artist created. It's the same things Heavenly Father is doing with our lives, we just need to allow Him control of the paintbrush.

Black Friday Madness

As I sit here staring at the madness that is black friday shopping at Wal Mart, it reminds me of the amazing holiday we all celebrated yesterday, and how quickly we all seem to forget why we celebrated it. Thanksgiving is a day to remember all the things we are grateful for, and yet how ironic is it that the day after Thanksgiving is all about going out to buy everything we think we need but don't have. What happened to being grateful for what we already have?

Therefore, I am grateful for:

*My incredibly amazing family who I consider my best friends in life. I wouldn't be who or where I am today if it wasn't for them.

*My Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ

*The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Answers all of life's questions and helps me keep going.

*College-the fact that I am working towards a degree that I love at a school that allows me to remember that the gospel is a part of everything.

*Government grants--God bless free money for school!

*My job that helps me remember why I love finance and helps me pay to learn more about it at school

*TJ, a guy who is amazing and keeps me laughing

*Amazing friends and roommates

Happy Late Thanksgiving!

All According to Plan

GUESS WHO GOT ACCEPTED TO THE MARRIOTT SCHOOL OF MANAGEMENT?!!!!




Clarification: I got accepted :) There goes my back-up plan to be a street beggar....

Watch Your Step

Unfortunately my plan to stare at the computer screen and suddenly be inspired with what I should write isn't working...all I have found is 50 other things I could be doing than writing this blog post...and weird spots on my ceiling...

It's funny how in the blink of an eye, our lives can take a 180 degree turn and we find ourselves following a different course of life than we ever planned and making decisions that we never saw ourselves making.

I look back at the whole 23.5 years of my life and it amazes me how many twists and turns my life has taken to this point. If you had asked me 5 years ago, just as I was graduating high school, where I saw myself in 5 years, and never in a million years would the words "finance major", "mission", and "BYU" be included of my description of what I saw my future to be like. How did I arrive at where I am, so far away from where I had ever imagined? It's like "they" say, "a journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step...so watch your step". Our lives are composed of simple, small, and steady steps. Each step appears to be so insignificant, with no major impact in the eternal scheme of things. But appearances can be so deceiving...the small choices we make in our every day lives will determine our final destination.

I became so much more aware of the impact of decisions while I was on my mission as I would relate my story of why I was on a mission, since it had never been a plan for me. It made me realize that my decision to serve was really a culmination of so many little and big events in my life...from being raised LDS, to questioning my beliefs, to leaving for New York and discovering what my life might be like without the gospel, to getting distracted by the world, to getting hit on the head and "waking up", to eventually taking the big step of faith and putting my papers in. Every decision we make really does pull from all our experiences in our lives, which is why it is so important to always take everything that comes at us in our lives, blessings and trials, as learning experiences that will help us continue to find the path we need to follow, and never regret anything that did happen, wishing that we could just take it away. We can't change or live in the past, we need to simply to find the life lessons and move on.

So where are my steps leading me these days? Good question...I have no idea. But I am becoming more and more ready to see what the future has in store for me. Are the late night long phone calls, constant texting, and random spur-of-the-moment trip to spend an incredible weekend in California all steps that are leading to where everyone thinks they are leading? Or are these steps going to take a turn somewhere else or to a dead end? That's the beauty of relationships--there is the mystery of the unknown future that seems to be a invisible weight over every conversation. I'm scared of what's going to happen and I am trying so hard to watch every step I make, to make sure I make no mistakes this time. But how careful can we be in matters of love?

I guess all I have to say to myself is:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge Him,
and He shall direct thy paths.

the scriptures have all the answers :)