It's hard to believe that I have now been a mother for 4 months. In some ways it seems like it was just yesterday that Jeff and I were staring at the pregnancy test, in complete disbelief that the positive was actually a positive, while other days it feels like its been years since I last got a decent amount of sleep.
I remember on my mission how much I HATED it when someone would talk about missionaries sacrificing part of their lives to serve the Lord. The way I saw it, I was being blessed with so much more than I ever gave up. The same is true with having a child. Some would say you sacrifice a lot to have children, and there are many in today's society who would deem the sacrifice as being not worth it. Yes, my slim figure is a thing of the past, Jeff and my life savings that we worked so hard to build up is all but gone, these black circles under my eyes from lack of sleep will probably never go away, and spit up stains seem to have become a normal part of my wardrobe. And yet, never once would I say Keegan isn't worth it all. Other than Jeff, Keegan is the greatest blessing in my life and I can't imagine our family without him.
That's not to say it's been easy, in fact these past few months have been among the hardest in my life. Just the other night Keegan was up crying as usual at 3 am (this was of course after just feeding him at 1 am). I had reached my breaking point and just started bawling as I fed him because my body just couldn't take another sleepless night, knowing I had to be up in just a few hours for a full day of work. But then I looked down at my son. There he was, staring up at me with what looked like a look of concern for his mom. As soon as he saw he had my attention, he gave me one his huge gummy grins that seem to cover his entire face. I knew it was one of those tender mercies from the Lord, reminding me to not take any of these moments for granted, no matter how trying they may be. There will come a day when my heart will ache to once again be able to hold my baby boy in my arms as I watch him head off to kindergarten, or see him drive a car for the first time, or graduate high school, or leave for his mission, or one day marry his eternal sweetheart. Childhood is fleeting, my baby is growing up right before my eyes. So sure, I'll have a few more sleepless nights, most likely many more, but in the end it's all worth it, like all "sacrifices" are.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Monday, August 5, 2013
One year down, an eternity to go
We made it through the first year of marriage, making our marriage longer than most Hollywood couples ;)
To celebrate this accomplishment, Jeff and I made the trip down to the place where we sealed the deal--beautifully hot St. George, UT. We decided we wanted to keep our trip low key and not plan too many things, however the one thing we made sure to plan into our time was a sealing session in the St. George Temple on our anniversary, August 3. We couldn't think of a better way to celebrate and reminisce our own sealing.
A lot of our wedding day is a blur because so much was happening all at once. I remember the happiness that I felt as I knelt across the altar from Jeff and how surreal it was to be pronounced "man and wife, sealed for time and all eternity", but I don't remember exactly everything the sealer said, and Jeff and I didn't get the opportunity after to sit in the Celestial Room and soak it all in after. This time it was different. Jeff and I first did an endowment session before doing sealings. This allowed us to go and sit in the Celestial Room together before heading to do sealings. The really cool thing about the St George Temple is the sealing room where we were married is right off of the Celestial Room, so we were able to go right into the room where our lives together began and sit down to reminisce. It was surreal to stare at the altar and think back on that day a year ago, and all the many wonderful blessings that have happened since that day. As I stared at my husband I was overwhelmed with feelings of deep gratitude to my Heavenly Father for helping us find each other. It still surprises me to think how short of a time Jeff and I dated and were engaged before we got married. It went against everything I believed and yet I always felt so calm and assured about my decision to marry Jeff. Sitting next to him one year later in the temple, that feeling was multiplied times 100. For lack of a better term, Jeff is my soul mate. He completes me and makes me better. He always knows what to say or do to make my day brighter. I couldn't ask for a better husband or father for my children.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
5 years later
This post was written on March 6, 2013. Because of information in this post I had to wait to publish it for awhile to keep my secret
I am so grateful it was me. So grateful that I was the lucky one in a million who would walk by a Coke truck the exact same second a hand dolly decided to fall off. Why? Because I love pain? Oh heavens no! It's because I love where my life is now and I owe so much of it to this event in my life. This accident changed my way of thinking and viewing my life. From that moment on, I decided to live with no regrets, because who knew when the next hand dolly was going to come and attack me. I realized it needed to stop being about what I thought I wanted and instead I needed to focus on what the Lord knew I needed. It caused me to more seriously consider those quick and fleeting thoughts of a mission, to the point that a year later I put my papers in. Because I went on a mission I became who I am today. I learned more about myself in those 18 months than I had the 21 years prior. I also learned more about my Heavenly Father and my Savior and for the first time in my life, developed close relationships with them and by learning how to truly pray and worship them. I learned how blessed I am to be born where I was to the family I have. Because of my mission I received the promptings to go to BYU, where I received an amazing secular and spiritual education, and was able to find my true passion and major. Because of my mission I also received the unexpected blessing of my husband, who I happened to have met in the MTC. All because of a hand dolly....
I found the best way to celebrate today. I went to a doctor's appointment and got to see my little baby raspberry for the first time and see it's little heartbeat on the ultrasound screen. 5 years ago today, here I am, married to an amazing man and 8 weeks pregnant.
And it all started with a hand dolly.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Between a rock and a hard place
(This is a post I completely forgot to post last semester)
Do you ever feel like no matter what choice you make, it will be wrong?
That has how I have felt these past few weeks.
My major source of internal conflict currently: motherhood and career
It seems like lately this is a recurring theme in my life, that is brought up anywhere and everywhere. My marriage and family class talks about the importance of mothers being home and that the prophets have insisted all women stay home. All the lessons in Relief Society also go along the same lines. But then I head over to the business school (at Mormon BYU mind you) and I hear a different story--women need to pursue careers and reach their full potential and you can find that balance between raising a family and having a career.
So what is the right answer? Or is it actually that there isn't one right answer for everyone?
After much prayful consideration, I feel it isn't as black and white as either side is making it seem. This realization hit me hard a few weeks ago at a mentoring luncheon I attended for the Women in Business club. Two days prior I had been infuriated in my marriage and family class when my teacher had insisted that all women should stay home, and then opened it up for our thoughts. I sat there angrily shaking as I listened to all the girls talk about how they had sacrificed the idea of pursuing majors they enjoyed, to instead find a major that would let them be at home with their kids. Although noble, I found the whole idea ridiculous. Are we not hear on earth to pursue our dreams and goals, and to better ourselves? So if I have passion and desire to learn and understand business, should I not pursue it, because according to my class the only major a women should pursue is either family studies or the infamous M.R.S. degree at BYU? I raised my hand and questioned what the professor was saying. I told him I didn't understand why a woman couldn't pursue what she really wanted to do like a man could, and that isn't there a way to just find the balance between both a family and a career. He admitted that we couldn't use blanket statements, but also said we can't ignore what the prophets' have said Needless to say I left class angry and frustrated. Two days later I had my mentoring luncheon. I thought that I would finally find peace of mind because I would hear exactly what I wanted to hear--that women can do both and find success in a career and in their families. I did hear that, but unfortunately that wasn't what stuck out to me. All I heard were things that confirmed my worries of having a career. The keynote speaker said, "I know I can't be there that often for my kids, but I do bring them money and that's important." I was on the verge of tears, as my hopes for doing both seemed to be crashed down by both sides of the argument. If I stay at home, I can't pursue my dreams, if I go to work, all I will bring into my kids' lives is money.
The problem is, it seems both sides are looking at it from the extremes. I look at stay-at-home moms and have nothing but admiration for what they do because I honestly don't know if I have the patience for it. I almost feel like I will need that mental break of work to help me be a good mom. And then I look at these amazing career women who have accomplished so much and broke so many stereotypes about women in the workplace. Women like them have proven to all that women are capable of doing anything that a man can do. Truly, both of these types of women are my heroes for the things they accomplish. Why must we say that one is better than the other? I know that both are just trying to do their very best. Who are we, as a society, to frown upon their decisions. Do we know their circumstances? Do we know the personal revelation that they have received? That's the beauty of revelation and this gospel--it goes down to such a personal level. And it is in this fact, that I finally found my peace between my rock and a hard place. I don't have to know right now what I will do once I have a family. All I know is when that day comes, Jeff and I will seek out the Lord's help and find out what is best for our whole family.
Do you ever feel like no matter what choice you make, it will be wrong?
That has how I have felt these past few weeks.
My major source of internal conflict currently: motherhood and career
It seems like lately this is a recurring theme in my life, that is brought up anywhere and everywhere. My marriage and family class talks about the importance of mothers being home and that the prophets have insisted all women stay home. All the lessons in Relief Society also go along the same lines. But then I head over to the business school (at Mormon BYU mind you) and I hear a different story--women need to pursue careers and reach their full potential and you can find that balance between raising a family and having a career.
So what is the right answer? Or is it actually that there isn't one right answer for everyone?
After much prayful consideration, I feel it isn't as black and white as either side is making it seem. This realization hit me hard a few weeks ago at a mentoring luncheon I attended for the Women in Business club. Two days prior I had been infuriated in my marriage and family class when my teacher had insisted that all women should stay home, and then opened it up for our thoughts. I sat there angrily shaking as I listened to all the girls talk about how they had sacrificed the idea of pursuing majors they enjoyed, to instead find a major that would let them be at home with their kids. Although noble, I found the whole idea ridiculous. Are we not hear on earth to pursue our dreams and goals, and to better ourselves? So if I have passion and desire to learn and understand business, should I not pursue it, because according to my class the only major a women should pursue is either family studies or the infamous M.R.S. degree at BYU? I raised my hand and questioned what the professor was saying. I told him I didn't understand why a woman couldn't pursue what she really wanted to do like a man could, and that isn't there a way to just find the balance between both a family and a career. He admitted that we couldn't use blanket statements, but also said we can't ignore what the prophets' have said Needless to say I left class angry and frustrated. Two days later I had my mentoring luncheon. I thought that I would finally find peace of mind because I would hear exactly what I wanted to hear--that women can do both and find success in a career and in their families. I did hear that, but unfortunately that wasn't what stuck out to me. All I heard were things that confirmed my worries of having a career. The keynote speaker said, "I know I can't be there that often for my kids, but I do bring them money and that's important." I was on the verge of tears, as my hopes for doing both seemed to be crashed down by both sides of the argument. If I stay at home, I can't pursue my dreams, if I go to work, all I will bring into my kids' lives is money.
The problem is, it seems both sides are looking at it from the extremes. I look at stay-at-home moms and have nothing but admiration for what they do because I honestly don't know if I have the patience for it. I almost feel like I will need that mental break of work to help me be a good mom. And then I look at these amazing career women who have accomplished so much and broke so many stereotypes about women in the workplace. Women like them have proven to all that women are capable of doing anything that a man can do. Truly, both of these types of women are my heroes for the things they accomplish. Why must we say that one is better than the other? I know that both are just trying to do their very best. Who are we, as a society, to frown upon their decisions. Do we know their circumstances? Do we know the personal revelation that they have received? That's the beauty of revelation and this gospel--it goes down to such a personal level. And it is in this fact, that I finally found my peace between my rock and a hard place. I don't have to know right now what I will do once I have a family. All I know is when that day comes, Jeff and I will seek out the Lord's help and find out what is best for our whole family.
Accomplishing the Impossible
Last semester something happened to me that has never really happened before. I won a competition! My career preparation class, comprised of about 200 students, decided to have a competition with on of our assignments. The assignment was to complete a career plan that outlined where you wanted to go in your career and how you planned to get there. Along with that we had to create a 60 second "elevator pitch" that we could use in any business networking event. The assignment was required for all students, however if you chose you could go and pitch your plan to the teacher and ten students would be selected to present their plans in front of the whole class, plus 10 business executives. The top three winners were to receive $250 scholarships.
Naturally, my original plan was to do just the bare minimum-do the assignment, turn it in, and be done with it. Unfortunately for me, my teacher had other plans. The day after I turned in the assignment she called me personally and told me she was really impressed with my plan and would like for me to try out for the competition. I laughed and told her basically thanks but no thanks. However, I made the big mistake afterwards of telling Jeff about my teacher's call, and even worse, about the scholarships for those who win. Jeff told me I should definitely go for it-what did I have to lose?
So, without even thinking, I signed up to pitch my plan. The night before I furiously worked on fixing my presentation because the original one I had submitted I had hurriedly finished thanks to an unexpected trip to the E.R. When I pitched my plan I was so sure that I had bombed it and was silently grateful I would never have to present in front of the whole class. Unfortunately again my teacher had a difference in opinion. She told me she loved my presentation and told me it was the best one she had seen so far. As happy as I was to get such a compliment, deep down I also knew this meant I would have to present next class.
Sure enough, I was in the top ten, along with eight guys and one girl (got to love Business School-we women always represent at about 20%). I was the third to go and was so grateful to get it over with quickly. The whole presentation could only be three minutes, but it was definitely the longest three minutes of my life. As I sat there and watched the other people present, I was convinced that my presentation had no chance of winning. It came as a complete shock when I was called up on stage to be in the top three. Relief and happiness overwhelmed me because I knew I had just won $250, a huge blessing at the time because my trip to the E.R. was going to cost Jeff and me $300. I didn't even care to here who was 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, since we would all be receiving the money. To my complete shock again, they named the two guys next to me as second and third place, making me the winner of the very first "My Career Plan Competition." But here comes the best part--the announcer turned to me and said that I had two choices--I could take the $250 scholarship, or I could take the mystery prize. Everyone in the class immediately starts shouting at my to take the mystery prize (easy for them to say-its not their money). Jeff had come to watch me present so I immediately searched for him in the crowd. Of course he was among the few shouting at me to take the scholarship. At the moment I did something that may not have been great for my marriage--I ignored my husband and took the mystery prize. I opened the envelope and counted out $300 in cash! The man congratulated me and told me in business, you should always take the risk if you hope for greater reward. Thankfully that risk definitely paid off!
After the competition, the ten finalists were able to go to lunch with the business executives. It was such an amazing opportunity to talk to all these amazing professionals who have made it big in their chosen fields. They offered great advice and counsel, and we had a great conversation specifically about women in business and finding that balance between career and family. Later an article was written about the competition. The writer asked me a whole bunch of questions, but once the article came out, it barely even mentioned I had won :) Insult to injury-he spelled my last name wrong too ;)
The biggest lesson I took away from all of this is the reason why I won over everyone else that presented. Many of the executives came up to me after to congratulate me and told me that what they really liked about my plan was it was flexible. Yes, I had presented a step by step plan for our how wanted to end up in training and development in a company, however at the end I concluded my presentation by saying that throughout my life as I work towards my career goals, that I would never become so set in one thing that I couldn't see opportunity around me. I would be willing to change direction at any time if other opportunities arose. The executives said that is what set me apart--this understanding that our greatest opportunities are not usually planned and that we need to be open and willing to be flexible. How grateful for all the life lessons that have shown me that yes, we can and should make goals and plans; HOWEVER, be prepared to change anything and everything if the Lord asks. My life "plan" is far from the plan that I put together growing up. So many bumps and twists have come along the way. The beautiful thing is, those bumps and twists are some of the most rewarding parts of my life that I wouldn't trade for anything because it has made me who I am and put me where I am today. Whether it be in career decisions or overall life decisions, how crucial it is that we work for what we want, but also allow the Lord to make any changes to these plans to guide us to what we need most.
Naturally, my original plan was to do just the bare minimum-do the assignment, turn it in, and be done with it. Unfortunately for me, my teacher had other plans. The day after I turned in the assignment she called me personally and told me she was really impressed with my plan and would like for me to try out for the competition. I laughed and told her basically thanks but no thanks. However, I made the big mistake afterwards of telling Jeff about my teacher's call, and even worse, about the scholarships for those who win. Jeff told me I should definitely go for it-what did I have to lose?
So, without even thinking, I signed up to pitch my plan. The night before I furiously worked on fixing my presentation because the original one I had submitted I had hurriedly finished thanks to an unexpected trip to the E.R. When I pitched my plan I was so sure that I had bombed it and was silently grateful I would never have to present in front of the whole class. Unfortunately again my teacher had a difference in opinion. She told me she loved my presentation and told me it was the best one she had seen so far. As happy as I was to get such a compliment, deep down I also knew this meant I would have to present next class.
Sure enough, I was in the top ten, along with eight guys and one girl (got to love Business School-we women always represent at about 20%). I was the third to go and was so grateful to get it over with quickly. The whole presentation could only be three minutes, but it was definitely the longest three minutes of my life. As I sat there and watched the other people present, I was convinced that my presentation had no chance of winning. It came as a complete shock when I was called up on stage to be in the top three. Relief and happiness overwhelmed me because I knew I had just won $250, a huge blessing at the time because my trip to the E.R. was going to cost Jeff and me $300. I didn't even care to here who was 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, since we would all be receiving the money. To my complete shock again, they named the two guys next to me as second and third place, making me the winner of the very first "My Career Plan Competition." But here comes the best part--the announcer turned to me and said that I had two choices--I could take the $250 scholarship, or I could take the mystery prize. Everyone in the class immediately starts shouting at my to take the mystery prize (easy for them to say-its not their money). Jeff had come to watch me present so I immediately searched for him in the crowd. Of course he was among the few shouting at me to take the scholarship. At the moment I did something that may not have been great for my marriage--I ignored my husband and took the mystery prize. I opened the envelope and counted out $300 in cash! The man congratulated me and told me in business, you should always take the risk if you hope for greater reward. Thankfully that risk definitely paid off!
After the competition, the ten finalists were able to go to lunch with the business executives. It was such an amazing opportunity to talk to all these amazing professionals who have made it big in their chosen fields. They offered great advice and counsel, and we had a great conversation specifically about women in business and finding that balance between career and family. Later an article was written about the competition. The writer asked me a whole bunch of questions, but once the article came out, it barely even mentioned I had won :) Insult to injury-he spelled my last name wrong too ;)
The biggest lesson I took away from all of this is the reason why I won over everyone else that presented. Many of the executives came up to me after to congratulate me and told me that what they really liked about my plan was it was flexible. Yes, I had presented a step by step plan for our how wanted to end up in training and development in a company, however at the end I concluded my presentation by saying that throughout my life as I work towards my career goals, that I would never become so set in one thing that I couldn't see opportunity around me. I would be willing to change direction at any time if other opportunities arose. The executives said that is what set me apart--this understanding that our greatest opportunities are not usually planned and that we need to be open and willing to be flexible. How grateful for all the life lessons that have shown me that yes, we can and should make goals and plans; HOWEVER, be prepared to change anything and everything if the Lord asks. My life "plan" is far from the plan that I put together growing up. So many bumps and twists have come along the way. The beautiful thing is, those bumps and twists are some of the most rewarding parts of my life that I wouldn't trade for anything because it has made me who I am and put me where I am today. Whether it be in career decisions or overall life decisions, how crucial it is that we work for what we want, but also allow the Lord to make any changes to these plans to guide us to what we need most.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Where has the time gone?
So...it's been awhile. Since I last wrote I got married, went on a wonderful honeymoon, moved, and started school and am now about halfway through. So, yeah, nothing new with me ;)
For all those who are not satisfied with my two line catch-up summary, I will go into more detail.
Jeff and I were married in St. George. We drove down to St George Thursday afternoon and had an amazing wedding dinner that night at the Black Bear Diner with the friends and family who had traveled all the way down to St. George for our sealing. I loved having such a small number of friends and family there because it was so much more intimate-every person there had made such an impact on our lives. Both of our parents came, as well as all of our siblings (minus Jeff's brother who is on a mission) and my sisters-in-law. We also had Jeff's grandma and grandpa Duerden, my grandma Ruggles, a few of our aunts and uncles, Jeff's childhood friend Matt, my amazing friends Holli, Caitlin, Laurel and her husband Phil, Britney and her husband Adam, Alli, and Lynzee. My mission president, who happens to live in St. George, and his wife also came to the dinner and sealing.
That night I barely slept, partly because half of my family was all staying in one small hotel room, and partly because I was so nervous for the next day. It was surreal to think that the following day my life would change forever. My dad gave me a wonderful father's blessing which brought me peace of mind and comfort as I started to get anxious about what a big decision this was.
The next morning I woke up at the ridiculous hour of 5 a.m. and left with my dad to go have my hair and makeup done. I sat in a chair for hours as Kelli transformed me from the walking dead to a bride. Once she was done, my family picked me up and we drove over to the St.George temple.
As Jeff and I sat in the waiting room next to the sealing room and watched as all our guests made their way to our sealing room. What was amazing about our sealing room is it is right off of the celestial room, so all of our guests were required to dress in white. It was a beautiful sight to walk into the sealing room and see a room full of our loved ones all in white. As corny as it sounds, it was like getting a glimpse of heaven, especially when considering the significance of the ordinance done in that particular room. Jeff and I sat down next to each other and listened as our sealer spoke about the sealing ordinance and the importance of the covenants we have made and would be making with each other. We then were asked to go kneel at the altar. Words can't describe how it felt to look across the altar and see Jeff and hear the words "I now pronounce you man and wife, legally married for time and all eternity." The wait was over, and were now married.
After the sealing we exchanged rings, and then we all left the room together. I was escorted back to the beautiful bride's room where my mom was supposed to meet me to help me get my wedding dress on. Yeah, she stood me up. I got the dress on by myself and the nice temple worker helped me hook it and put my veil on. I then walked out to the foyer and met up with Jeff. We waited for a bit and then walked outside to meet all our guests. And then came the most awkward moment of my life (which is saying a lot for me); all of our guests just continued to talk pictures with NO ONE coming to greet us. So Jeff and I stood there awkwardly as our pictures were taken 100+ times (I now understand better what celebrities must feel like...). After everyone decided to stop being awkward, we took a million pictures with our family and friends, doing our best to stay out of the blazing St. George heat. And then came the time to make the 4 hour drive back up to Salt Lake for our reception in Draper.
The reception was amazing and it was so great to see so many of our friends and family throughout the years. We had a candy buffet that was a huge success, as well as a photobooth. It was just the fun, casual reception we had hoped for. Apparently it was a little too casual because when it came time to cut our cake, turns out we had completely forgotten to get a knife to cut it. Being the resourceful person that he is, my dad offered us the back of a fork, and it actually got the job done. Word to the wise who are planning a wedding--don't waste money on a cake knife and server--the handle of any utensil works just fine.
Before we knew it, the reception was over and we were rushing to our car and driving away to go to our surprise honeymoon (courtesy of Jeff's parents) to Key West, FL, Cayman Islands, and Jamaica!! We flew out to Florida first and boarded the cruise ship there. It was absolutely amazing and better than any honeymoon I had ever imagined. We had a great time together and enjoyed all of the islands, even Jamaica where the people are far too pushy (but we found the secret to avoiding them is simply speaking French to each other and they leave you alone). The week flew by and before we knew it we were heading to Indiana for our second reception with Jeff's side of the family.
We got to Indiana really late because of a very delayed flight. Despite the late hour, Jeff insisted we head over to Steak and Shake because it is something he really misses from Indiana. So, at 11:30 at night, we ate dinner with his family. We then drove over to his grandparents Receveur's house and spent the night there. The next day we had another fun reception at his grandparents Deurden's backyard--this time instead of having a photobooth, we had a cotton candy machine :) I got to meet many of Jeff's relatives, which was way fun because usually we only see mine since we are in Utah.
The honeymoon was definitely over once we got home to Utah, since we both went back to work right after, and then school started. This semester has been crazy for both of us and hasn't allowed us to spend much time together, which makes those once-a-week temple nights and date nights highly anticipated. Jeff is an amazing husband and I am so thankful that things worked out the way they did for us because I can't imagine life without him. He is by far my better half.
For all those who are not satisfied with my two line catch-up summary, I will go into more detail.
Jeff and I were married in St. George. We drove down to St George Thursday afternoon and had an amazing wedding dinner that night at the Black Bear Diner with the friends and family who had traveled all the way down to St. George for our sealing. I loved having such a small number of friends and family there because it was so much more intimate-every person there had made such an impact on our lives. Both of our parents came, as well as all of our siblings (minus Jeff's brother who is on a mission) and my sisters-in-law. We also had Jeff's grandma and grandpa Duerden, my grandma Ruggles, a few of our aunts and uncles, Jeff's childhood friend Matt, my amazing friends Holli, Caitlin, Laurel and her husband Phil, Britney and her husband Adam, Alli, and Lynzee. My mission president, who happens to live in St. George, and his wife also came to the dinner and sealing.
That night I barely slept, partly because half of my family was all staying in one small hotel room, and partly because I was so nervous for the next day. It was surreal to think that the following day my life would change forever. My dad gave me a wonderful father's blessing which brought me peace of mind and comfort as I started to get anxious about what a big decision this was.
The next morning I woke up at the ridiculous hour of 5 a.m. and left with my dad to go have my hair and makeup done. I sat in a chair for hours as Kelli transformed me from the walking dead to a bride. Once she was done, my family picked me up and we drove over to the St.George temple.
As Jeff and I sat in the waiting room next to the sealing room and watched as all our guests made their way to our sealing room. What was amazing about our sealing room is it is right off of the celestial room, so all of our guests were required to dress in white. It was a beautiful sight to walk into the sealing room and see a room full of our loved ones all in white. As corny as it sounds, it was like getting a glimpse of heaven, especially when considering the significance of the ordinance done in that particular room. Jeff and I sat down next to each other and listened as our sealer spoke about the sealing ordinance and the importance of the covenants we have made and would be making with each other. We then were asked to go kneel at the altar. Words can't describe how it felt to look across the altar and see Jeff and hear the words "I now pronounce you man and wife, legally married for time and all eternity." The wait was over, and were now married.
After the sealing we exchanged rings, and then we all left the room together. I was escorted back to the beautiful bride's room where my mom was supposed to meet me to help me get my wedding dress on. Yeah, she stood me up. I got the dress on by myself and the nice temple worker helped me hook it and put my veil on. I then walked out to the foyer and met up with Jeff. We waited for a bit and then walked outside to meet all our guests. And then came the most awkward moment of my life (which is saying a lot for me); all of our guests just continued to talk pictures with NO ONE coming to greet us. So Jeff and I stood there awkwardly as our pictures were taken 100+ times (I now understand better what celebrities must feel like...). After everyone decided to stop being awkward, we took a million pictures with our family and friends, doing our best to stay out of the blazing St. George heat. And then came the time to make the 4 hour drive back up to Salt Lake for our reception in Draper.
The reception was amazing and it was so great to see so many of our friends and family throughout the years. We had a candy buffet that was a huge success, as well as a photobooth. It was just the fun, casual reception we had hoped for. Apparently it was a little too casual because when it came time to cut our cake, turns out we had completely forgotten to get a knife to cut it. Being the resourceful person that he is, my dad offered us the back of a fork, and it actually got the job done. Word to the wise who are planning a wedding--don't waste money on a cake knife and server--the handle of any utensil works just fine.
Before we knew it, the reception was over and we were rushing to our car and driving away to go to our surprise honeymoon (courtesy of Jeff's parents) to Key West, FL, Cayman Islands, and Jamaica!! We flew out to Florida first and boarded the cruise ship there. It was absolutely amazing and better than any honeymoon I had ever imagined. We had a great time together and enjoyed all of the islands, even Jamaica where the people are far too pushy (but we found the secret to avoiding them is simply speaking French to each other and they leave you alone). The week flew by and before we knew it we were heading to Indiana for our second reception with Jeff's side of the family.
We got to Indiana really late because of a very delayed flight. Despite the late hour, Jeff insisted we head over to Steak and Shake because it is something he really misses from Indiana. So, at 11:30 at night, we ate dinner with his family. We then drove over to his grandparents Receveur's house and spent the night there. The next day we had another fun reception at his grandparents Deurden's backyard--this time instead of having a photobooth, we had a cotton candy machine :) I got to meet many of Jeff's relatives, which was way fun because usually we only see mine since we are in Utah.
The honeymoon was definitely over once we got home to Utah, since we both went back to work right after, and then school started. This semester has been crazy for both of us and hasn't allowed us to spend much time together, which makes those once-a-week temple nights and date nights highly anticipated. Jeff is an amazing husband and I am so thankful that things worked out the way they did for us because I can't imagine life without him. He is by far my better half.
Monday, July 23, 2012
First set of groomals
So last Sunday I came home from church to an email from my photographer, stating she was clearing out her calendar because her father-in-law was diagnosed with brain cancer, and would therefore be unavailable to do our pictures that Wednesday. Needless to say I may or may not have had a meltdown. Yet another thing that seemed to be falling through last minute. My amazing roommates immediately went to work to search for a photographer in my price range that would be free that Wednesday--not an easy task! While they searched, Jeff and I went to our interview with my bishop. After he gave us some advice he had Jeff leave so we could do my temple recommend interview. Before he could even start I just started crying and asked him for a blessing because I had reached my limit. He gave me a beautiful blessing and immediately I felt so much calmer and knew things were going to work out.
And I'm happy to report they did! Holli got in contact with her freshman roommate who is a photographer and she was able to switch her schedule around to take our pictures Wednesday night. I was nervous about just going with a photographer who I hadn't really looked at their work, but Jeff and I were desperate. But I can't tell you how pleasantly surprised we were when she posted the first sneak peak to Facebook. It was EXACTLY what we had wanted and the picture looked flawless. And it just got better when she posted even more pictures later to her blog. We decided we liked her style so much better than our original photographer.
I was telling my dad about the chaos of trying to get our pictures done and how in the end it all worked out beautifully, and my dad just laughed and asked me when I would stop being so surprised when everything works out, since it always does in the end. How right he is. Time and time again Heavenly Father shows me who truly is in control, and I just need to learn to stop and remember that BEFORE I enter stress out mode.
Here's a sampling of our groomals from the amazing Lora Grady:
http://www.loragradyphotography.com/blog/2012/07/21/harmony-jeff-provo-wedding-photography/
And I'm happy to report they did! Holli got in contact with her freshman roommate who is a photographer and she was able to switch her schedule around to take our pictures Wednesday night. I was nervous about just going with a photographer who I hadn't really looked at their work, but Jeff and I were desperate. But I can't tell you how pleasantly surprised we were when she posted the first sneak peak to Facebook. It was EXACTLY what we had wanted and the picture looked flawless. And it just got better when she posted even more pictures later to her blog. We decided we liked her style so much better than our original photographer.
I was telling my dad about the chaos of trying to get our pictures done and how in the end it all worked out beautifully, and my dad just laughed and asked me when I would stop being so surprised when everything works out, since it always does in the end. How right he is. Time and time again Heavenly Father shows me who truly is in control, and I just need to learn to stop and remember that BEFORE I enter stress out mode.
Here's a sampling of our groomals from the amazing Lora Grady:
http://www.loragradyphotography.com/blog/2012/07/21/harmony-jeff-provo-wedding-photography/
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Stupid Murphy
Yesterday marked 4 weeks until the wedding....which of course means I am now in total freak out mode trying to get everything put together. And let's just say that murphy's law is in full force as it seems lately that EVERYTHING seems to be going wrong. I went to get my dress altered, only to find out that thanks to a lovely thing called birth control that the top part of my wedding dress no longer fit. The seamstress took it out, however she went a little crazy with it and now the top is too big. The worst part is when I tried it on again, I hated it, but she managed to convince me in the moment that it looked fine. But now I can't stop thinking about how horrible it looked and how unhappy I am with it. With only 4 weeks to go and bridal pictures coming up, the last thing I need is to be unhappy with my dress.
Another major stumbling block we have run into is my aunt volunteered to do our wedding announcements at cost. I was weery at first, but jumped at the chance to save some money. Now I'm regretting that decision. My aunt is very opinionated and knows what she likes and wants to do, which works well for the businesswoman she is, however it is a major challenge to deal with when working with her. Jeff and I went to her house last week, armed with a sample of EXACTLY what we wanted. Unfortunately, my aunt also had a sample of what she was envisioning, and it was far different. Before I knew it, she was drawing up an announcement based on her sample, not ours. I stressed to her the important things I wanted on the announcement and she said ok, but I had a sick feeling in my stomach when we left that the announcements would end up being nothing close to what we wanted. Unfortunately I found out today I was right. The announcement looked EXACTLY like the sample she had shown us, and NOTHING like the sample we had brought and left with her. With so little time left and wanting to get announcements out by the beginning of next week, I am beyond frustrated and stressed out right now. It just feels like control over the wedding planning has completely slipped out of my hands and there isn't anything I can do about it.
Jeff, seeing all my stress over the wedding planning, put together a whole day date for us yesterday since we both had the day off. We went swimming in the morning at his apartment. When Jeff came to pick me up after we both got ready, he surprised me with a dozen beautiful roses! We then hadbrunch at Einstein Bagels. After eating we drove over to Trafalga where we played some mini golf (I totally won...that is if highest score wins, which in my version of golf, it does) and won some tickets playing the games. After that we drove over to the movie theater to see "The Amazing Spiderman". And I must say, it is quite amazing, definitely better than the old ones. We finished the day off with Jeff cooking me dinner and then getting together with my roommates and other people in the ward to watch "Ferris Buellers Day Out" outside in our parking lot--very cool :)
I know I need to see the bigger picture now and not get so lost in the small wedding details, and instead of focus on what's most important. It's like Elder Mautz told me...no matter what, the important thing is we will be married. Less than four weeks from now, I get to marry my best friend for time and all eternity. What's there to be upset about?
Another major stumbling block we have run into is my aunt volunteered to do our wedding announcements at cost. I was weery at first, but jumped at the chance to save some money. Now I'm regretting that decision. My aunt is very opinionated and knows what she likes and wants to do, which works well for the businesswoman she is, however it is a major challenge to deal with when working with her. Jeff and I went to her house last week, armed with a sample of EXACTLY what we wanted. Unfortunately, my aunt also had a sample of what she was envisioning, and it was far different. Before I knew it, she was drawing up an announcement based on her sample, not ours. I stressed to her the important things I wanted on the announcement and she said ok, but I had a sick feeling in my stomach when we left that the announcements would end up being nothing close to what we wanted. Unfortunately I found out today I was right. The announcement looked EXACTLY like the sample she had shown us, and NOTHING like the sample we had brought and left with her. With so little time left and wanting to get announcements out by the beginning of next week, I am beyond frustrated and stressed out right now. It just feels like control over the wedding planning has completely slipped out of my hands and there isn't anything I can do about it.
Jeff, seeing all my stress over the wedding planning, put together a whole day date for us yesterday since we both had the day off. We went swimming in the morning at his apartment. When Jeff came to pick me up after we both got ready, he surprised me with a dozen beautiful roses! We then hadbrunch at Einstein Bagels. After eating we drove over to Trafalga where we played some mini golf (I totally won...that is if highest score wins, which in my version of golf, it does) and won some tickets playing the games. After that we drove over to the movie theater to see "The Amazing Spiderman". And I must say, it is quite amazing, definitely better than the old ones. We finished the day off with Jeff cooking me dinner and then getting together with my roommates and other people in the ward to watch "Ferris Buellers Day Out" outside in our parking lot--very cool :)
I know I need to see the bigger picture now and not get so lost in the small wedding details, and instead of focus on what's most important. It's like Elder Mautz told me...no matter what, the important thing is we will be married. Less than four weeks from now, I get to marry my best friend for time and all eternity. What's there to be upset about?
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
More engagement pictures
Here is a sampling of some of our favorites!
His first present to me was a Squeez-it on Valentine's Day-he used it as an excuse to come and see me while I was studying
Monday, June 18, 2012
Engagement pictures!
I am having a hard time choosing between the one on the left and the middle one. Jeff likes the left, I like the middle, and everyone in my family can't agree either. Who knew it would be this hard to choose one little picture--maybe its because I know this picture will be all over fridges across America, France, and New Caledonia...
Friday, May 18, 2012
"For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive."
This past weekend was a wonderful weekend spent with my mom's extended family in Park City for our annual Mother's Day celebration. I think for us all it will be a weekend we will never forget because it would also mark the last time for many of us that we would get to see our grandpa alive. Wednesday evening at 6:25 p.m. our grandpa Ruggles passed away.
I received notice that my grandpa had been hospitalized tuesday night the next morning at work. Needless to say, I was beside myself and unsure what I should do, since I live an hour away from family now. I spoke with my manager and he told me to leave whenever I wanted to. In the end I decided to stay, telling myself I would just leave straight for the hospital after work. Unfortunately, grandpa took a turn for the worse around 5 pm and I wasn't able to leave work until right before 6. Jeff and I rushed to the hospital, but with the hour drive ahead of us, deep down I knew that I would not be given the opportunity to say goodbye to him. Around 6:20 my sister texted me telling me to hurry because it wouldn't be much longer and about ten minutes later I received a call from my brother telling me that my grandpa had passed away. It was surreal walking into the hospital and seeing all of my extended family gathered around hugging and crying. My mom saw us and ran right into my arms bawling. Together we walked into the hospital room to see my grandpa. It is amazing how quickly death can change a person's appearance. Gone were the mannerisms that made grandpa who he was-his little smirk, chuckle-like laugh, and squinted eyes that made it hard to tell sometimes if he was paying attention or had dozed off-all replaced with a cold hard body. Even after seeing him it still seemed so unreal that he was actually gone.
It's interesting to watch how we all deal with the pain of losing someone. For some in my family the pain is masked through using humor, even at the most inappropriate times. For others, uncontrollabe tears. And for some, anger against the deceased and a feeling of not receiving the closure that was needed. I'm not sure if I fit into any of these categories. I have found that a mixture of humor, tears, prayers, and the gospel have helped me get through the past couple of days. As for anger or resentment, I feel none towards him. My grandpa was not the most openly loving person and I can't recall a time he ever told me that he loved me and it was on a rare occassion that we would hug, but that doesn't mean he didn't love me or any of us. My grandpa showed his love in more subtle ways. He was at our baby blessings, baptisms, weddings, most of our graduations, farewells, and homecomings. When I think of those big moments in my life, my grandpa was there supporting me...even if he was sleeping ;) (can't really blame the guy, I had a big graduating class). Whenever I made a point to sit next to him at gatherings he would always ask me questions about myself. The first time he met Jeff, before we were even engaged, he asked him how he intended to support his granddaughter. My grandpa wasn't perfect, but frankly who is? As my dad said last night, we all learn how to be parents through our parents examples...for good or bad...and that grandpa wasn't given the best examples of what being a good parents means. But one thing that grandpa did have was a good heart and he truly did love his family. He will be very missed.
Yesterday Jeff and I made a spur of the moment decision to walk around Temple Square. We ended our walk in the visitors center, staring up at the beautiful statue of Christ. How grateful I am for the doctrine found in 1 Corinthians:
"For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive."
Christ lives. Thanks to Him, death is not the end. Because of Him I will get to see my beloved Grandma and Grandpa Hurst and Ruggles again. Through His power and gospel our family has been sealed for time and all eternity. What comfort it brings me to realize that although the sting of death hurts so much for those of us on this side of the veil, how wonderful it must feel for those that pass through to the other side, now finally being able to rest from their earthly pains and troubles and reunite with loved ones that have already left.
"In the end everything will be okay. If it's not okay, it's not the end." Thanks to the gospel of Jesus Christ, truly everything will be okay in the end.
Monday, April 2, 2012
April Fools...on me!
Yesterday definitely did NOT go how I was planning....
A few weeks ago Jeff got me a fake diamond ring that I started wearing around to fool people-I know, horrible. But the ring gave us inspiration for the best April fool's joke on my family--we decided Jeff was going to fake propose on April Fools when we were at my parents' house for my birthday party.
That was the plan. Turns out Jeff had another idea...
There we were. Me, sitting in the armchair with Boston opening up my birthday gifts, the rest of my family gathered around on chairs around me, and Jeff across from me on the couch. I, or I should say Boston, quickly opened my birthday presents from the rest of my family, and then I set Boston down and I tried very sneakily to catch Jeff's attention to nudge him to do the fake proposal. But he just sat there, taking his precious time while everyone else started talking and losing interest. And then finally he got up. He announced that there was one more thing for me. He told me he knew how much my family meant to me and how he knew I would want them here for this (the whole time he is talking I am laughing inside because I think he is just hamming the whole fake proposal up). He then pulled out a beautiful little wooden box and got on one knee. He then asked me if I would marry him and then opened the box. There, sitting in the box, was MY ring, the beautifully perfect engagement ring that Jeff and I had looked at weeks ago. Jeff had sneakily gone and bought the ring without me knowing a thing and had told my family he was going to propose so they were all ready with cameras to capture the moment. Just when I think I'm going to be pulling a prank on them, the whole situation turns around and it turns out I was the only one who DIDN'T know I was going to be actually, legitimately proposed to.
So yes, it was in a sense an april fool's joke...on me! Instead of getting fake proposed to, I got the real deal!
We will be married in the St. George Temple (my favorite temple since I was young) on August 3. We will be doing a reception that night in Riverton in my aunt's backyard and the following morning we will be flying out for our surprise honeymoon (thank you future in-laws!), followed by a reception in Indiana on the 12 (although Jeff is from New York most of his family is in Indiana).
A few weeks ago Jeff got me a fake diamond ring that I started wearing around to fool people-I know, horrible. But the ring gave us inspiration for the best April fool's joke on my family--we decided Jeff was going to fake propose on April Fools when we were at my parents' house for my birthday party.
That was the plan. Turns out Jeff had another idea...
There we were. Me, sitting in the armchair with Boston opening up my birthday gifts, the rest of my family gathered around on chairs around me, and Jeff across from me on the couch. I, or I should say Boston, quickly opened my birthday presents from the rest of my family, and then I set Boston down and I tried very sneakily to catch Jeff's attention to nudge him to do the fake proposal. But he just sat there, taking his precious time while everyone else started talking and losing interest. And then finally he got up. He announced that there was one more thing for me. He told me he knew how much my family meant to me and how he knew I would want them here for this (the whole time he is talking I am laughing inside because I think he is just hamming the whole fake proposal up). He then pulled out a beautiful little wooden box and got on one knee. He then asked me if I would marry him and then opened the box. There, sitting in the box, was MY ring, the beautifully perfect engagement ring that Jeff and I had looked at weeks ago. Jeff had sneakily gone and bought the ring without me knowing a thing and had told my family he was going to propose so they were all ready with cameras to capture the moment. Just when I think I'm going to be pulling a prank on them, the whole situation turns around and it turns out I was the only one who DIDN'T know I was going to be actually, legitimately proposed to.
So yes, it was in a sense an april fool's joke...on me! Instead of getting fake proposed to, I got the real deal!
We will be married in the St. George Temple (my favorite temple since I was young) on August 3. We will be doing a reception that night in Riverton in my aunt's backyard and the following morning we will be flying out for our surprise honeymoon (thank you future in-laws!), followed by a reception in Indiana on the 12 (although Jeff is from New York most of his family is in Indiana).
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Just When You Least Expect It....
So much to say and I don't know where to start...
As I blogged about a month ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was an emotional wreck after and wished I could just understand why it needed to happen and why neither one of us felt it wasn't right. He and I broke up on a thursday and then on saturday got together to try and talk things out to see if we could figure out why. We had a good talk and I learned a lot of things about myself and about him, but come tuesday, we both just realized that we had given it our best shots and it just wasn't meant to last between us. It was a hard reality to face, but immediately after I drove away from him that night, I felt immediate peace and confidence that everything was going to be fine.
So here is where things get really interesting...but first a little bit of background information:
About 2 1/2 years ago I entered a little place called the MTC...a place full of homesick missionaries and all you can eat cafeteria foods...truly a dream come true ;) In the MTC there is only one French Zone that includes all the missionaries that will be speaking French. Since my district was so small with just my companion, our solo elder, and me, we would get combined with another district for different things. We became pretty close with that district and were sad when they left three weeks before we did, especially since we wouldn't be seeing them again for about two years. About two weeks after they left, I was VERY surprised when I received a letter from one of the elders in that district--an Elder Receveur. Elder Receveur was an elder from New York who went to the Belgium/France mission.
And so it began. I'll admit that it took me a few months, but I finally wrote him back. And then he wrote me quickly back....and it soon became a competition to see who could write back the quickest. We ended up writing each other all the way through both of our missions--that's right, once I got home I still continued to write him. My companions were quick to realize that I would receive many letters from one specific elder and would tease me and tell me we would end up dating after our missions. I just laughed it off and told them it was nothing, that we were both missionaries who needed someone to write. But I couldn't deny the big smile on my face every time I'd see a letter from him waiting for me.
Fast forward to June 2011. My intentions upon coming home were to date as much as I could and stay single until January-when I would be seeing Elder Receveur, Jeff, at BYU. I know it seems a little crazy that I would want to wait for an elder I hadn't ever dated before, but something just kept telling me that I would regret not going on a date with him. But then the unexpected happened and a boyfriend from my past came back into the picture and I fell in love. We ended up dating long distance for about 4 months and then he moved to the state and we dated exclusively. This was a hard decision to make, once again because of one elder. But I felt I should give my current relationship the best chance it could have, so I "wrote off" Elder Receveur in my mind, telling myself that nothing was going to happen anyways.
Fast forward again to February 2012. After many prayers and temple visits, TJ and I both realized that we just weren't right for each other and things weren't meant to be. We broke up and the NEXT day I ran into Elder Receveur...Jeff...on campus. My first thoughts were "Heavenly Father, what are you trying to pull?!" We ended up going to lunch with some of my old companions and then talking outside the library for over 2 hours. Timing wise, it wasn't the best day for me to see him because I was still such a wreck from the break-up the night before. Thankfully we ended up hanging out later once I received my closure from my break-up, and I was finally able to start enjoying dating again.
And boy have I enjoyed dating :) For a month now Jeff and I have spent every day together, and are with each other any time neither one of us has class (or sometimes I go to class with him, I know, I'm a nerd), work, or needs to sleep. It's crazy to think we've only been dating a month because it feels like we've been together so much longer than that. I guess that's the benefit of living close and being able to spend so much time together. I love all the fun things we have done or are planning to do. He loves adventure just as much as me so our weekly date nights are always fun and different :)
I feel so different in this relationship than I have felt in the past. Things feel so right and everything just seems to be fitting together...kinda like finding that missing piece to the puzzle. It's just amazing to see the Lord's hand in all of it.
Stay tuned for more exciting updates ;)
As I blogged about a month ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was an emotional wreck after and wished I could just understand why it needed to happen and why neither one of us felt it wasn't right. He and I broke up on a thursday and then on saturday got together to try and talk things out to see if we could figure out why. We had a good talk and I learned a lot of things about myself and about him, but come tuesday, we both just realized that we had given it our best shots and it just wasn't meant to last between us. It was a hard reality to face, but immediately after I drove away from him that night, I felt immediate peace and confidence that everything was going to be fine.
So here is where things get really interesting...but first a little bit of background information:
About 2 1/2 years ago I entered a little place called the MTC...a place full of homesick missionaries and all you can eat cafeteria foods...truly a dream come true ;) In the MTC there is only one French Zone that includes all the missionaries that will be speaking French. Since my district was so small with just my companion, our solo elder, and me, we would get combined with another district for different things. We became pretty close with that district and were sad when they left three weeks before we did, especially since we wouldn't be seeing them again for about two years. About two weeks after they left, I was VERY surprised when I received a letter from one of the elders in that district--an Elder Receveur. Elder Receveur was an elder from New York who went to the Belgium/France mission.
And so it began. I'll admit that it took me a few months, but I finally wrote him back. And then he wrote me quickly back....and it soon became a competition to see who could write back the quickest. We ended up writing each other all the way through both of our missions--that's right, once I got home I still continued to write him. My companions were quick to realize that I would receive many letters from one specific elder and would tease me and tell me we would end up dating after our missions. I just laughed it off and told them it was nothing, that we were both missionaries who needed someone to write. But I couldn't deny the big smile on my face every time I'd see a letter from him waiting for me.
Fast forward to June 2011. My intentions upon coming home were to date as much as I could and stay single until January-when I would be seeing Elder Receveur, Jeff, at BYU. I know it seems a little crazy that I would want to wait for an elder I hadn't ever dated before, but something just kept telling me that I would regret not going on a date with him. But then the unexpected happened and a boyfriend from my past came back into the picture and I fell in love. We ended up dating long distance for about 4 months and then he moved to the state and we dated exclusively. This was a hard decision to make, once again because of one elder. But I felt I should give my current relationship the best chance it could have, so I "wrote off" Elder Receveur in my mind, telling myself that nothing was going to happen anyways.
Fast forward again to February 2012. After many prayers and temple visits, TJ and I both realized that we just weren't right for each other and things weren't meant to be. We broke up and the NEXT day I ran into Elder Receveur...Jeff...on campus. My first thoughts were "Heavenly Father, what are you trying to pull?!" We ended up going to lunch with some of my old companions and then talking outside the library for over 2 hours. Timing wise, it wasn't the best day for me to see him because I was still such a wreck from the break-up the night before. Thankfully we ended up hanging out later once I received my closure from my break-up, and I was finally able to start enjoying dating again.
And boy have I enjoyed dating :) For a month now Jeff and I have spent every day together, and are with each other any time neither one of us has class (or sometimes I go to class with him, I know, I'm a nerd), work, or needs to sleep. It's crazy to think we've only been dating a month because it feels like we've been together so much longer than that. I guess that's the benefit of living close and being able to spend so much time together. I love all the fun things we have done or are planning to do. He loves adventure just as much as me so our weekly date nights are always fun and different :)
I feel so different in this relationship than I have felt in the past. Things feel so right and everything just seems to be fitting together...kinda like finding that missing piece to the puzzle. It's just amazing to see the Lord's hand in all of it.
Stay tuned for more exciting updates ;)
Saturday, February 18, 2012
One week later...
Crazy how much things can change in one week. Last saturday i was an emotional wreck as I tried to deal with the sadness from the break-up. But then after a good talk Tuesday night I finally found complete peace. And I've been great ever since! I know without a doubt it was the right decision for both of us, and that our time together wasn't meant to last. I'm thankful for all the things I learned about myself these past months, and all the learning and growing that came. I'm ready to face the future and accept and embrace whatever the Lord has in store for me. I hope I can do better at seeking out the Lord and listening to the Spirit so that I can receive that confirmation that the Lord is pleased with the path I'm taking.
Side note: I finally got a "well done" on a midterm! Best Valentine's gift ever!!
Side note: I finally got a "well done" on a midterm! Best Valentine's gift ever!!
Friday, February 10, 2012
I will go and I will do...but I wish I could understand why
Thank you Heavenly Father for answering the "True or False" question, now if you would be so kind as to fill out the essay response that answers "Why?!"
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
His ways are not my ways
My life direction is about to take a 90 degree turn. Things that I have felt so sure on are suddenly no longer clear. Things that I have wanted so desperately no longer feel right. Why would the Lord do this to me--make me feel so sure about something, only to tell me later, "just kidding, you really should do something else"? I have felt so lost and confused this past week as I have been through a rollercoaster of emotions. But now as I write this I can say that I feel at peace. Why? Because I came to terms last night at around midnight that I need to let go of the past and press forward with faith for the future.
Allow me to be less vague. I am changing my major. Shocking, I know. Finance has been my passion and dream ever since I started working for AFCU in 2007. And yet here I am, about 5 years later, turning away from it to pursue something else. You see, the Marriott School of Management is changing its Finance program. The business management program that I worked so hard to get accepted into, is getting rid of its financial emphasis. If I were to pursue Finance, I would have to do it as a separate major, which means applying again to be accepted. So is that why I'm wanting to change my major? No, I'm not that lazy....but this change in the program has allowed me to step back and analyze where I am right now and how happy I am with my major. And that's when it hit me--I don't really enjoy my finance classes, in fact, they have usually been among my least enjoyable classes so far. I realized that the reason I love Finance is because I love helping people who are struggling to make ends meet and who need someone to sit down with them and teach them how to budget. However, this is not what a finance major at BYU entails. The classes I would have to take would include classes like "Corporate Finance" and "Advanced Investments"....basically I would help the rich get richer. That's not what I want to do, I don't find that fulfilling in the slightest. So as I listened to the advisor explain the new finance program to me last week, I just had a strong feeling that I should consider finding another emphasis in the Business Management program. Which brings me to my thought of becoming a Business Management major with an emphasis in......Organizational Behavior! I love my OB class this semester and have always thought that I would enjoy a job in HR--being able to work with people and make sure their is a good work environment for employees. Plus I am also not afraid to tell it how it is when it comes to disciplinary action and termination for employees. Everyone I have talked to about my possible career change has mentioned that they think that would be a good fit for me. The hardest part about changing is letting go of the past, letting go of something that has been a part of who I am...I'm Harmony Hurst, the finance major. It just has made me wonder why the Lord would have guided me in the direction of finance, when in the end it doesn't feel right. But my wise father pointed out that if it weren't for finance, I wouldn't have been in the business school. I wouldn't have been taking my OB class this semester. Just when we think the Lord's plans for us couldn't be any more random or confusing, we need to take a step back and look at the greater picture. My job at AFCU helped me decide my major in Finance, and it also caused me to be hit by the hand dolly, which led me to eventually serving a mission. My major in finance led me to the business school, which has now led me to a major that I find more enjoyable. It's like Elder Bednar mentioned once in conference--when we look up close at a painting sometimes we can only see just a bunch of random splotches that seem to have no rhyme or reason. But when we take a step back and see the full picture, we behold the beautiful painting the artist created. It's the same things Heavenly Father is doing with our lives, we just need to allow Him control of the paintbrush.
Allow me to be less vague. I am changing my major. Shocking, I know. Finance has been my passion and dream ever since I started working for AFCU in 2007. And yet here I am, about 5 years later, turning away from it to pursue something else. You see, the Marriott School of Management is changing its Finance program. The business management program that I worked so hard to get accepted into, is getting rid of its financial emphasis. If I were to pursue Finance, I would have to do it as a separate major, which means applying again to be accepted. So is that why I'm wanting to change my major? No, I'm not that lazy....but this change in the program has allowed me to step back and analyze where I am right now and how happy I am with my major. And that's when it hit me--I don't really enjoy my finance classes, in fact, they have usually been among my least enjoyable classes so far. I realized that the reason I love Finance is because I love helping people who are struggling to make ends meet and who need someone to sit down with them and teach them how to budget. However, this is not what a finance major at BYU entails. The classes I would have to take would include classes like "Corporate Finance" and "Advanced Investments"....basically I would help the rich get richer. That's not what I want to do, I don't find that fulfilling in the slightest. So as I listened to the advisor explain the new finance program to me last week, I just had a strong feeling that I should consider finding another emphasis in the Business Management program. Which brings me to my thought of becoming a Business Management major with an emphasis in......Organizational Behavior! I love my OB class this semester and have always thought that I would enjoy a job in HR--being able to work with people and make sure their is a good work environment for employees. Plus I am also not afraid to tell it how it is when it comes to disciplinary action and termination for employees. Everyone I have talked to about my possible career change has mentioned that they think that would be a good fit for me. The hardest part about changing is letting go of the past, letting go of something that has been a part of who I am...I'm Harmony Hurst, the finance major. It just has made me wonder why the Lord would have guided me in the direction of finance, when in the end it doesn't feel right. But my wise father pointed out that if it weren't for finance, I wouldn't have been in the business school. I wouldn't have been taking my OB class this semester. Just when we think the Lord's plans for us couldn't be any more random or confusing, we need to take a step back and look at the greater picture. My job at AFCU helped me decide my major in Finance, and it also caused me to be hit by the hand dolly, which led me to eventually serving a mission. My major in finance led me to the business school, which has now led me to a major that I find more enjoyable. It's like Elder Bednar mentioned once in conference--when we look up close at a painting sometimes we can only see just a bunch of random splotches that seem to have no rhyme or reason. But when we take a step back and see the full picture, we behold the beautiful painting the artist created. It's the same things Heavenly Father is doing with our lives, we just need to allow Him control of the paintbrush.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Black Friday Madness
As I sit here staring at the madness that is black friday shopping at Wal Mart, it reminds me of the amazing holiday we all celebrated yesterday, and how quickly we all seem to forget why we celebrated it. Thanksgiving is a day to remember all the things we are grateful for, and yet how ironic is it that the day after Thanksgiving is all about going out to buy everything we think we need but don't have. What happened to being grateful for what we already have?
Therefore, I am grateful for:
*My incredibly amazing family who I consider my best friends in life. I wouldn't be who or where I am today if it wasn't for them.
*My Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ
*The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Answers all of life's questions and helps me keep going.
*College-the fact that I am working towards a degree that I love at a school that allows me to remember that the gospel is a part of everything.
*Government grants--God bless free money for school!
*My job that helps me remember why I love finance and helps me pay to learn more about it at school
*TJ, a guy who is amazing and keeps me laughing
*Amazing friends and roommates
Happy Late Thanksgiving!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
All According to Plan
GUESS WHO GOT ACCEPTED TO THE MARRIOTT SCHOOL OF MANAGEMENT?!!!!
Clarification: I got accepted :) There goes my back-up plan to be a street beggar....
Clarification: I got accepted :) There goes my back-up plan to be a street beggar....
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Watch Your Step
Unfortunately my plan to stare at the computer screen and suddenly be inspired with what I should write isn't working...all I have found is 50 other things I could be doing than writing this blog post...and weird spots on my ceiling...
It's funny how in the blink of an eye, our lives can take a 180 degree turn and we find ourselves following a different course of life than we ever planned and making decisions that we never saw ourselves making.
I look back at the whole 23.5 years of my life and it amazes me how many twists and turns my life has taken to this point. If you had asked me 5 years ago, just as I was graduating high school, where I saw myself in 5 years, and never in a million years would the words "finance major", "mission", and "BYU" be included of my description of what I saw my future to be like. How did I arrive at where I am, so far away from where I had ever imagined? It's like "they" say, "a journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step...so watch your step". Our lives are composed of simple, small, and steady steps. Each step appears to be so insignificant, with no major impact in the eternal scheme of things. But appearances can be so deceiving...the small choices we make in our every day lives will determine our final destination.
I became so much more aware of the impact of decisions while I was on my mission as I would relate my story of why I was on a mission, since it had never been a plan for me. It made me realize that my decision to serve was really a culmination of so many little and big events in my life...from being raised LDS, to questioning my beliefs, to leaving for New York and discovering what my life might be like without the gospel, to getting distracted by the world, to getting hit on the head and "waking up", to eventually taking the big step of faith and putting my papers in. Every decision we make really does pull from all our experiences in our lives, which is why it is so important to always take everything that comes at us in our lives, blessings and trials, as learning experiences that will help us continue to find the path we need to follow, and never regret anything that did happen, wishing that we could just take it away. We can't change or live in the past, we need to simply to find the life lessons and move on.
So where are my steps leading me these days? Good question...I have no idea. But I am becoming more and more ready to see what the future has in store for me. Are the late night long phone calls, constant texting, and random spur-of-the-moment trip to spend an incredible weekend in California all steps that are leading to where everyone thinks they are leading? Or are these steps going to take a turn somewhere else or to a dead end? That's the beauty of relationships--there is the mystery of the unknown future that seems to be a invisible weight over every conversation. I'm scared of what's going to happen and I am trying so hard to watch every step I make, to make sure I make no mistakes this time. But how careful can we be in matters of love?
I guess all I have to say to myself is:
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge Him,
and He shall direct thy paths.
the scriptures have all the answers :)
It's funny how in the blink of an eye, our lives can take a 180 degree turn and we find ourselves following a different course of life than we ever planned and making decisions that we never saw ourselves making.
I look back at the whole 23.5 years of my life and it amazes me how many twists and turns my life has taken to this point. If you had asked me 5 years ago, just as I was graduating high school, where I saw myself in 5 years, and never in a million years would the words "finance major", "mission", and "BYU" be included of my description of what I saw my future to be like. How did I arrive at where I am, so far away from where I had ever imagined? It's like "they" say, "a journey of a thousand miles begins with just one step...so watch your step". Our lives are composed of simple, small, and steady steps. Each step appears to be so insignificant, with no major impact in the eternal scheme of things. But appearances can be so deceiving...the small choices we make in our every day lives will determine our final destination.
I became so much more aware of the impact of decisions while I was on my mission as I would relate my story of why I was on a mission, since it had never been a plan for me. It made me realize that my decision to serve was really a culmination of so many little and big events in my life...from being raised LDS, to questioning my beliefs, to leaving for New York and discovering what my life might be like without the gospel, to getting distracted by the world, to getting hit on the head and "waking up", to eventually taking the big step of faith and putting my papers in. Every decision we make really does pull from all our experiences in our lives, which is why it is so important to always take everything that comes at us in our lives, blessings and trials, as learning experiences that will help us continue to find the path we need to follow, and never regret anything that did happen, wishing that we could just take it away. We can't change or live in the past, we need to simply to find the life lessons and move on.
So where are my steps leading me these days? Good question...I have no idea. But I am becoming more and more ready to see what the future has in store for me. Are the late night long phone calls, constant texting, and random spur-of-the-moment trip to spend an incredible weekend in California all steps that are leading to where everyone thinks they are leading? Or are these steps going to take a turn somewhere else or to a dead end? That's the beauty of relationships--there is the mystery of the unknown future that seems to be a invisible weight over every conversation. I'm scared of what's going to happen and I am trying so hard to watch every step I make, to make sure I make no mistakes this time. But how careful can we be in matters of love?
I guess all I have to say to myself is:
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge Him,
and He shall direct thy paths.
the scriptures have all the answers :)
Friday, July 15, 2011
The "Face" of the Gospel
Today I am depressed for reasons that are not important in the eternal scheme of things, and decided the best way to find happiness right now is to stop thinking about myself and my current concerns, and instead remind myself of more important things in life.
While on my mission I had a companion tell me that she had seen the gospel on her mission. After that, I started to write down many of the amazing experiences on my mission where I too had seen the face of the gospel through God's children in Idaho and New Caledonia. I was able to fill a whole journal page of experiences I had and people who I had met, some just briefly, who helped me to see what the Gospel truly is. Here are just a few:
*a tearful prayer of gratitude from two sister missionaries as God grants them a miracle.
(day that I got cleared to serve my mission)
*a young adult crying as the Spirit testifies to her that Jesus is the Christ, knowledge that she had never had before in her Buddhist beliefs.
(Thuy Nelson's baptism--she was baptized after I left Moscow, Idaho)
*receiving a text from a member who was inactive for 11 years, informing us that he can once again take the sacrament...and watching the Atonement in action has he joyfully took the bread and water.
*a young teenage mother praying for the first time in her life, tears flowing as she openly talked to her attentive Heavenly Father
*being put in the path of an old woman who is sick and tired and being able to help and serve her as Christ would havedone.
*a priesthood blessing from an elder who knew nothing of my concerns for my family, specifically sister, letting me know that my family would be protected physically and spiritually during my mission-and the many wonderful letters that followed confirming that God will always keep His promises.
(being reunited with my best friend/sister)
*a man who quits smoking in a day because "it felt like the right thing to do."
(Jean-Claude's baptism)
*watching faithful members sacrifice the whole year so that they could save enough money to make the trip to New Zealand to attend the temple.
*a father who finally quits smoking and gets baptized after years of waiting, so that he can take his family to the temple and be sealed to them for time and all eternity.
(Jimmy's baptism)
*an old man who finds his faith and is willing to give up everything he owns and loves to follow someone he loves more--his Savior.
(Robert's baptism)
*an old valiant member whose son dies suddenly, and yet continues forward with a smile because for him the gospel is not just a list of beliefs--it is who he is and what he lives everyday.
(Brother Parau)
*being able to serve my full-mission despite my physical difficulties, as the Lord granted me daily strength to continue
(my last day in the field)
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