One month taste of the real world

The real world tastes very bitter sweet.

I can not believe it has been over a month since I came home. Time flys by faster after the mission than on it, if that's even possible.

I ache to return to my mission. I'd love nothing more right now than to be a full-time missionary again, to be back with my family in New Cal. However, I will admit that I am enjoying life right now, and the Lord has truly given me some great blessings since I've been home. I was blessed quickly and fairly easily with the job I wanted and was able to start right before school started. I have great coworkers and an awesome manager, plus a job that allows me to do a lot of my homework there which is helping me keep on top of my classes. I have been blessed to be at BYU. Never thought I'd put "blessed" and "BYU" in the same sentence....but just goes to show we can all change, and that we shouldn't judge an institution by its crazy marriage obsessed students. I love my classes and teachers, and LOVE that we can talk about religion in ANY class. I have been blessed with the ability to pay for school, rent, etc....not to mention the federal grants I just received for Fall and Winter semester! The Lord also blessed me with two old mission companions right down the street who are even in my same ward! It helps my New Cal homesickness by hanging out with them and being able to speak French and talk about the mission. Plus they are both such amazing people and great friends. I found friends for life on my mission, one of the major tender mercies the Lord extended to me in the field. I'm grateful He did, because otherwise I would have come home to very few, if any, friends. The one taste of real life I'm not enjoying is dating...I'm going to need a couple more years for that one ;)

18 months later

Where did the past 18 months of my life go? If it wasn't for the fact that I have surrounded myself in my room with reminders of "my island", I would begin to think that my mission was nothing but a wonderful dream. I miss it...I miss the island, the people, the language, the feeling of putting on my badge everyday, sharing the gospel with anyone and everyone who would listen. I even miss the food, raw fish and all! I know that the mission was meant to give me a foundation for the rest of my life, and that I now I need to continue on, continue to live this thing we call real life. But I don't want to...life just made so much more sense on the mission. I had direction, I knew what I needed to be doing everyday. Now it's up to me to make choices for my life...and not just any choices, but life-changing ones.

I'm scared...oh me of little faith.

Stronger than ever

I have been waiting for months for this month to arrive, and now that it has finally arrived it seems to be disappearing far too quickly. I leave for my mission in 24 days. I am excited to serve the Lord through missionary work, but I'll admit my nerves are setting in as I begin to make last preparations to leave. It's so surreal seeing my luggage sitting in the corner of my room, knowing that I will be packing soon to leave for 18 months to go to a country who's culture, customs, and language are far different than anything I've already experienced. I'm scared and nervous, worried that I will not adequately represent this amazing church. I pray every day for comfort and guidance to better help me prepare to become a missionary. I know the Lord will be with me always, as will the spirit be my constant companion.

I've had a very interesting week at work. On Tuesday my coworker handed me a book and stated the author of the book (a friend of hers) heard I was going on a mission and told her to have me read his book. Immediately I was worried because my coworker is not LDS, and in fact she is made it quite well-known she is very much against the LDS faith, for reasons I know not. However, I took the book and said I'd try it because it claimed on the cover it was not anti-LDS literature, nor did I think my friend Brandie would give me something that outwardly offended my faith knowing I am preparing to serve a mission. I wish I had been right. The book is titled "I was a Born-Again Mormon", and the author, Shawn McCraney, attacks the LDS faith. He is cunning and does not do it in such a way as most anti-LDS do, but his statements that he represented as facts about the LDS were despicable and made my stomach churn. He downgraded our view on Christ, stating that the LDS didn't feel Christ made the ultimate sacrifice or that we really need the atonement. He said that the LDS put on a facade and just appear to be perfect on the outside. I could go on but I don't feel it's necessary to know the details of what he said, except for the fact he was so very wrong about the church. I read about 100 pages of the book before I couldn't take it anymore and so during my lunch break I went home and grabbed "Jesus the Christ". I started reading that and couldn't put it down. I have tried before to read this book and always had a difficult time getting through it but this time I was breezing through it and understanding exactly what Talmage was stating. What was a further testimony builder to me that God knew I needed the spirit more than ever at that moment was that within the first 20 pages of the book Talmage explained in perfect detail and exactness our view of the Savior. It is just what I needed to hear.

After I got home from work I made the decision to give Brandie back her book and quickly explain to her that McCraney has completely misunderstood the LDS doctrine and that I couldn't even recognize my religion from what he was saying. Unfortunately the next time I worked with Brandie she threw another curveball at me. She sent me an email:

Hello! I just had to tell you the funniest thing that happened the night before last. Shawn McCraney emailed me and asked if I got his book back. I emailed him back and said what are you talking about. He said that a lot of people will give the book back to the person that gave it to them and cry heresy before they even read the whole book. I said no I didn't get the book back yet and that you were reading it. I told him you weren't like everyone else, you have a mind of your own and can come up with an opinion on your own about the book. He wrote me back and said, that he would bet me that I would get it back by the first of next week unread entirely. I said I will take that bet, what are we betting. He said if I win and you read the whole book, then 25.00 will be donated to your mission. If he wins, I have to donate 25.00 to his ministry.

I told him, you have no idea what you are asking. Harmony is extremely intelligent. And will totally win this challenge. He said yeah I've heard that before.

He said I have to have proof so there are questions I guess that need answers in the book? He said three questions from the book have to be answered in short paragraphs for me to be able to prove you read it.

So what do you think? Now I totally have to read it myself. Is there anything you want me to ask him that you have read so far? I know you love a debate, and I totally know he loves a debate. He would totally answer any questions you had.

I don't know if you are up for the challenge or not.

This email disgusted me because it is so manipulative. I am not sure if she wrote it or if he wrote it and her pass it off as her writing, but either way I was not happy. Here I was going to return the book to her that day and she has now tried playing to my intelligence and love of a good debate. Unfortunately for her because I am intelligent I can see what she is trying to do and I refuse to debate religion because it leads to nowhere and I love my faith too much to have this man try to drag it through the mud in an attempt to shake my testimony.

If this was anyone but my coworker I would tell her exactly what I think with no worries as to offending her, however since she is a coworker it becomes a very delicate situation because I still need to work with her. I hold no feelings of anger towards her, I'm more upset that she could be this disrespectful to my religion, a religion that I am willingly giving everything up to go serve and spread in another part of the world. Why would she try shaking my faith at a time like this? Why try to distract me from the sacred work I'm about to do? I've never once told her I've doubted my faith or testimony and yet through her emails it sounds like that's what she thinks is happening.

I am grateful for this situation overall though, because although she is being manipulative and disrespectful I know that this is not the last person I will come across that will slander my religion to my face. A few years ago this book could have been a testimony shaker; however my testimony has never been as firm or as strong as it is now. Nothing she or this author could say could make me waiver in my beliefs. All it does is make me stronger and more determined to find those that are truly searching for the truth.

I guess Brandie will be out $25 :)

Over a Month later...

So I haven't been doing very well on updating this and a lot has definitely happened.

Let me first start by saying I love my life. No matter how sad or depressed or down I get about things, in the end I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's. I know that sometimes the grass does look greener on the other side but the truth is no one's life is perfect and we all have our struggles and challenges that we all must face. A good friend once told me that if everyone threw their challenges into a big pool and were told they could pick out what challenges they wanted to face, in the end we'd all end up grabbing our own back after realizing what other people are having to suffer with silently. I really believe that to be true. Yes, my struggles are really hard at times, but I know there are people out there that have it a lot harder than I do.

Summer semester ending earlier this month! I am so happy to finally have my Associates in Business after getting over 100 credit hours (sad, I know, but it took me awhile to decide my major). I am sad that my GPA didn't get where I needed it to be. I got an A in the class but it wasn't enough to pull my 3.89 GPA any higher--I had hoped to graduate with a 3.9. I have made it a goal to have a 3.9 when I graduate with my Bachelors.

My family took a trip to Oregon and Washington. It was amazing and a much needed vacation! We rented wave-runners and went out on Loon Lake in Oregon. It was a blast! We rented 2 and we all switched off driving it. I found it more fun to be on the back though because my brothers are seriously insane on them and I loved the thrill of trying to hold on. It was a ton of fun but I unfortunately wasn't able to handle it for very long and had to sit on the sidelines--I am very tired of not being able to have fun and do things because of my neck. Lately it seems that everything I do hurts my neck. I try not to get too discouraged--I know I need to have faith that the blessing I received the night of my accident will be fulfilled and I will be healed. We stayed that night in a hotel close to the lake and the next day made a 5 hour trip up the Oregon coast to our awesome condo--nice and spacious for the 8 of us (the whole family came except Chris of course). On the way up the coast we stopped and saw the Heceta Head Lighthouse--the lighthouses in Maine are nicer looking but the scenery around this one was breathtaking--such vivid colors! There were sea lions swimming around and laying on the rocks below--such odd looking creatures.

The next day we went to Cannon Beach--less than a minute away from our condo. Unfortunately it was overcast and raining so we didn't get in the water but my brothers and dad threw a baseball around while Kim, Nikki, and I built a "sandcastle"-more like a mound of dirt with a stick in it but considering our lack of resources it wasn't too shabby :). We then headed to an outdoor mall and spent a few hours there.

The next day it was on to Seaside. We went another outdoor mall--they seem to be popular in Oregon--that was close to the ocean. We goofed around in a hat shop and took tons of pictures--my family is easily amused sometimes ha ha. We then spent most of the day weaving in and out of shops. I really enjoyed spending time with my brothers because I hardly get to see either of them anymore, plus I love Aaron's wife Nikki--we're very close (It helps that I'm only 8 months older than her). It was raining that day too so we went back to our condo relatively early and had a barbeque and played games.

And then it was on to Washington! We packed up the car and made yet another long car ride up to Seatac, Washington. We unpacked and went and got dinner at Jack-in-the-Box and I was reminded why I don't eat fast food very often. To please Kim we then went to a huge mall that was nearby. We then spent the next few hours shopping--my sister is most definitely a shop-a-holic.

The next day was one of my favorite days--we were able to go meet my great aunt Marvel, who I have never met before and my dad hasn't seen since he was about 10. Marvel is my late grandma's sister who has lived in Seattle since my dad was little. My grandparent's and dad used to make the trip up to Seattle to see her a lot when my dad was growing up, but after my grandparent's accident my grandma didn't feel up to being the one to drive to Seattle so her and her sister never got to see each other anymore but would still talk on the phone all the time. We didn't tell my aunt we were coming and just surprised her. Her reaction was amazing when my dad announced at the door that he was Virgina's son. It was beyond amazing being able to sit and talk with her. She is almost 92 and her memory is amazingly sharp and she was able to tell us stories about my grandma. One of the reasons I enjoyed the afternoon so much is my great aunt Marvel is so much like how my grandma was before she passed away (that is before she became very sick and was not a pleasant person). It brought up so many memories for me (my grandma passed away when I was 11 so my memories of her had become blurry) and reminded me of how my grandma was before she got very sick--her and her sister have the exact same sense of humor. It was almost like being with my grandma and it was the highlight of my trip.

That night we went to a Seattle Mariners and New York Yankees game at Safeco Stadium. I cannot tell you how much I love watching MLB live! This one was great and suspenseful--the two teams were tied til about the bottom of the 7th inning. The Yankees ended up winning 4 to 2. I was excited to see Ken Griffey Jr. play but sad he didn't get any homeruns. During the 7th inning stretch a fan ran out onto the field and was chased down by security--I guess she wanted her 10 seconds of fame at the cost of at least $1000.

The next day we drove into Seattle and went to the Fish Market--Pike's Place I believe it's called. I can't stand the taste or smell of fish but it was fun watching the guys throw the fish around, plus I need to get used to it because I'm sure I'll be eating a lot of fish in New Caledonia. While driving around Seattle my lawyer called me and told me Coca Cola had made an offer for my settlement. After a few phone calls and more negotiating we finally settled on an amount (when I got home I signed the paperwork and sent it to my lawyer and should have the money soon and then this whole thing will be over with!)

The rest of my trip I don't remember as well--I should have blogged about it sooner. We did some more shopping and tried to go see Mt St Helens but didn't realize that the actual site is about an hour and a half away from the Visitors' Center and we didn't have the time to go further because we had to start heading home. RR (my car) has another 2500 miles on him thanks to the trip but luckily had low miles to begin with and having Pierce (my GPS) was amazing--we never got lost.

I love family vacations and it was hard to come back to the real world but now I can look forward to my next big trip! Bring on Fiji!

Change of Mood

So it finally happened--my good mood and happiness came crashing down suddenly and very unexpectedly.

Tuesday night I fell into bed around 11:30, thinking I would be asleep shortly thereafter. I was so very wrong. Midnight past....then 2:00 a.m.......then 4 a.m......then 5 a.m.....sleep would not come. Insomnia in and of itself is bad enough, but unfortunately I wasn't just suffering from the inability to fall asleep. My depression had come back, and was hitting me hard. Every sad/heartbreaking/unhappy moment in my life suddenly was playing in my mind--no matter what I tried to do I could not find peace or happiness. Happy thoughts were quickly erased from my mind and I was consumed with sadness and had never felt so completely alone. I don't remember the last time I cried that hard. My mission call, something that has brought me so much joy and happiness, suddenly made me scared. I began to think that if I went on a mission, I was doomed to be single forever. This thought has never crossed my mind before and I've never been one to worry too much over getting married, but I was completely convinced that night that I was never going to get married if I did leave on my mission. I was overwhelmed with loneliness and wondered how God could do that to me. I cannot explain the depths of my depression but it entirely consumed me.

The next day the depression continued, but now that I was awake it dawned on me what had happened. Satan has finally started his work in trying to prevent me from serving my mission. He used his cunning tactics to do everything in his power to make sure I do not go. He had me believing lies, and made me feel like no one loved me or cared about me. He knew my weaknesses and used them to his advantage. Knowing that Satan was behind those thoughts I had has comforted me and helped my depression, but unfortunately that night still has had an impact on me and I have not completely been able to shake the sadness away. That night did strengthen my testimony though--Satan knows how important this mission is and what an impact it will have in my life, and in the lives of others. Knowing that he is trying everything in is power to stop the work from progressing has just motivated me more to serve my mission.

Count Your Many Blessings

As I was contemplating my mission call and what I have to look forward to as I prepare to serve a mission I began to realize how truly blessed I am. I know I say it a lot, but I don't think I've ever realized the full extent of how blessed I am.

I have been blessed with an amazing family. Each and every single person in my family has taught me so much and made me the person I am today. My dad has taught me to never compromise who I am; My mom had taught me through example how to serve with all your heart; Danny has taught me to live life to the fullest and even though it may not always seem easy or convenient, to put the Lord above all else; Aaron has taught me that people are more important than things; Chris has taught me to not worry about the little things and enjoy life; and Kim has taught me how to completely give of yourself. I love my family and hope and pray that we will be an eternal family.

I have been blessed with great friends; friends who have also been very supportive of me and have been great examples to me throughout my life.

I have been blessed with an amazing job and coworkers that have helped me grow and mature. This job has taught me responsibility, hard work, and also how to have fun.

I have been blessed to be an American--to be able to enjoy the freedoms and blessings that come with it. I am eternally grateful for those men and women who gave up everything so that I can enjoy these freedoms and I do not take them for granted.

I have been blessed to get an education. Even though I will be taking 18 months off of school I look forward to coming back and working on my Bachelors and then Masters. I love learning and growing and bettering myself.

I have been blessed to have been born into the gospel; to always have the light of the gospel in my life. I will admit that I, like many at one point or another in their lives, have doubted if it was true. I am here to say IT IS TRUE! Without a doubt in my mind I know I belong to the only true church and I am eternally grateful for that knowledge and for the blessings that are associated with it.

I have been blessed with life! I know that seems like an obvious one, but I truly don't take being able to live each day for granted. I see each day as a blessing, a gift from my Heavenly Father.

I have been blessed with good health. Although my neck pain is constant and is taking a long time to heal, I am grateful that it wasn't much worse. I heard so many horror stories after my accident about people who had memory loss after getting hit on the head. I have been blessed that my mind and memory are still as sharp as they ever were (except for my occasional senior moments ha ha)

I have been blessed with my accident. Blessed that I was able to live. Blessed that I was able to learn and grow from it. Blessed with money that will help me do the things I want to do in my life--such as help finance my mission and help my family out.

I have been blessed with the ability to serve a mission. I am eternally grateful that the Lord has found me worthy and capable to help spread the truth in Fiji. It is so humbling and amazing to realize how personal this mission call is. The Lord, in his infinite wisdom and plan, has called me to serve in Fiji because that is where I am supposed to be. I pray for his help and guidance as I now prepare for this calling. I feel so inadequate and I pray that I will always have the Spirit with me because I will not be an effective missionary without that constant companion.

I love my life!

Called To Serve

I, Sister Harmony April Hurst, have been called to serve in the Fiji Suva Mission!!!!!!!!!!!! I will be preaching the gospel in French!! I don't think it's hit me yet because I am just in a daze right now....Fiji! I am going to Fiji! Such a random place...I never would have guessed it. I am beyond thrilled that I get to learn French. I took French for 3 years in junior high and then stopped taking classes and always regretted I didn't keep with it. So many people guessed that I would get a French mission, but no one was prepared for Fiji--the Lord definitely threw a curveball there!

I have to report to the MTC on October 28th which is depressing to me because I want to get out there but it will give me time to get things together and ready to go. Fiji! I just keep saying it over and over again in my mind but I'm still completely in shock.

This call was meant for me--I love how personal the whole process is. I am meant to serve the people in Fiji. I know this call was inspired by the Lord and I am so excited to get out into the field and serve! In Fiji!!!!